Lost | Dean Winchester [2]

Chapter 4

My heart ached as I walked through the dark, towards the hotel, my bag hanging loosely off my shoulder. Luckily, Dean had left all my stuff in his car so I wasn't completely screwed.

But as I walked to the hotel, I couldn't help but think about all the pain I'd caused. I know that it was Dean who chose to bring me back, but if I wasn't standing on that bridge that night, then Dean would've driven straight past and he would've never met me. He'd have more than a year left to live right now if I just wasn't so stupid and selfish.

And now, I was alive and Dean was going to die because of me. I was responsible for this. And I didn't know how to make it right. I just knew that if I wasn't there with them anymore, then I could make their lives a little less difficult. Like I said, all I did was remind them that Dean was going to die. It was better this way.

When I finally reached the hotel, I booked a room and went upstairs to put my stuff away. And when I finally had a moment, I allowed myself to cry. I was going to miss Dean greatly, but my pain didn't matter. All that mattered was that everyone would be better off without me.

***

The next morning came far too soon and I was met with the painful silence of an empty room. I checked my phone to see that I had seven voicemails, all from Dean. I couldn't listen to them, it'd just send me running straight back to him. I sighed, getting out of bed and heading straight for the shower.

Once I was done getting ready, I returned to the lonely living room. It was painfully quiet and the only thing to keep me company were my thoughts. No, I had to stop this. Dean was probably going to die in a year, I shouldn't be pitying myself like this, I didn't deserve to feel sorry for myself. Dean was the one who had a hard life, not me.

I jumped when I heard my phone ring. It was Dean calling for what seemed like the hundredth time. I hated this. I knew I was a coward for running away, but I had no choice. And just then, as if on cue, I heard a knock at the door. I really hoped they hadn't found me. I let out a shaky breath before going to answer the door and when I opened it, I was surprised by who was standing there. "Sam?"

"What are you doing? Dean needs you."

"I'm the reason Dean's gonna die." I choked out. It was difficult to say that out loud. "I figured it'd be best if I just got out of your way."

"Eva, none of this is your fault. You threw yourself in front of that blade...to save me. It's not your fault Dean couldn't live without you."

"But if I'd have just stayed away from him, if we just never met..."

"You can't think like that, this life...our life, it might not have mattered if you never met." He said, his voice shaky now. "Dean doesn't even think he'll live past forty."

"Yeah, well now he won't live past a year."

"Just...come back. No one blames you for what happened. Dean's been going outta his mind with you gone."

I gave him a humourless laugh. "Yeah, I kinda figured with the hundred voicemails he left me."

"Then come back."

***

I inhaled a shallow breath as I once again stood before Bobby's old house. I'd only lasted a night, and here I was, running back to him yet again because I was too weak to do the right thing.

Sam offered to go in first while I took a few minutes to wait by myself outside. I may have come back, but I wasn't ready to see him yet. It was still painful seeing Sam, knowing that no matter what he thinks, I'm the reason his brother is going to die. And I know that it was Dean's choice and all, but he still did it because of me.

I was pulled away from my thoughts when I heard someone say my name. And just then, as if I'd conjured him with my thoughts, Dean was standing there, just a few feet away. His eyes were filled with a mixture of worry and relief. And before I was able to react, he strode towards me and took me into his arms, causing me to simply melt into his embrace.

"Dean, I'm sorry." I mumbled into his chest, my own chest aching. "I never meant for any of this to happen."

He pulled away so he could look at me. "Eva, none of this is your fault. I chose to make that deal, not you."

"I know but-"

"No buts." He said, before pulling me back into a hug. "This is my mess, and I'm gonna fix it. Okay?"

"Okay."

***

a/n
I'm finally back with a new chapter! Sorry I just disappeared. If I'm gonna be honest, I've actually gotten back into reading recently and I've literally been spending all my free time reading books lol. But anyway, I've finally finished this chapter and I hope you're enjoying the story.
Thanks for reading!