Chapter 38: Hypotheticals

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I stared back, feeling my heart racing. He gave me half smile, gently tracing his thumb along my cheek.

"I can't ask you to do that." I said quietly. He shrugged.
"You don't have to ask me."
"Why me, Josh?" I asked, feeling my face get hot. "You could have anyone, every night." His smile grew as he shook his head.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" He laughed. I couldn't help but smile back.
"Who else are you talking to about this?" I stared back at him skeptical. He shook his head again.

"No one." He sighed, looking away. "Well, why does anyone feel the way we feel? I just do. I just.. I feel so good around you. You make me feel like me without even trying. I'm never as forward as I was that first night we met, ask anyone, but.. I just felt good about you. And I wanted you to know." He stared back at me with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile spread across his lips. He didn't seem upset or spiteful, but.. exactly how he described. 

Just happy.

"Maybe if things were different.." I said softly, reaching over and grabbing his hand again. He shook his head.
"We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to. But I agree." He giggled. His laugh was contagious. I don't know what it was about him lately, but I was beginning to feel that same way about him too. When I was alone with him, I just felt good.

Just happy.

We sat in silence for a moment, as if both carefully contemplating our next move.

"But what if.. Jake's right?" I finally ask. His face dropped a little.
"I think.. if Jake was right.. you wouldn't be sitting here with me right now." He said quietly. My heart was pounding. He had a point. If I was so sure about Jake, would I have even cared to hear another song Josh had written about me? I wouldn't have even entertained what Amy had to say about him. 

Perhaps I was second guessing this entire thing, and I knew that Josh was my out. And what would happen once the tour was over? Was this just a tour fling? I couldn't just uproot everything to follow them around, and I couldn't ask Jake to just stay behind with me.

In what world did this work out? With either of them?

"Okay.. hypothetically.." I said. He smirked at me, leaning in closer.
"Oh, I love hypotheticals." He laughed. I smiled back.
"Hypothetically.. if we were to ever be together.. what would happen after the tour ended?" He bit down on his lip, nodding, thinking.

"Well, we've loved what you've done so far. I wouldn't see why we wouldn't hire you as our exclusive tour photographer. If that's something you would be interested in." He said simply. I nodded, holding my stare on him. So he wasn't just assuming I'd uproot my life for him, but was actually offering.. to make it better. 

This wasn't helping my case at all.

"And.. what if I wanted to look elsewhere.. for other opportunities?" I asked. His face dropped a little, but he held a neutral stare.
"Well.. phones exist.." He giggled. "I could come see you.. you could come see me.. there are plenty of ways to make it work."
"Long distance almost never works."
"Almost." He emphasized. I smirked.

"You're a very 'cup-half-full guy,' aren't you?" I asked. He flashed me a big grin, nodding.
"So, these are just.. hypotheticals?" He asked. I bit down on my lip, nodding back at him.
"Okay.." He sighed, maintaining his subtle smile. My cheeks burned. 

Everything in me just wanted to lunge forward and kiss him, just to see what it felt like, just to know what I was missing, and part of me felt like he knew it. But despite everything, I knew I couldn't. Despite everything, it didn't change the fact that I did love Jake, and I've meant everything I've ever said to him. 

But this was different than anything I've ever felt before.
Josh was different than anyone I've ever met before.

"So.." Josh said, leaning in closer. "Now I have a hypothetical for you."
"Oh?" I asked, staring back at him, skeptical. His smile grew.
"So.. hypothetically.. if we were going to be shooting a music video soon.. would you have any interest in.. maybe.. helping?" He asked, staring back at me, hopeful. I felt my cheeks burn.
"That depends.. help how?" I asked, hesitant. He giggled to himself.

"Well, you're a photographer, you have a great eye. I typically do a lot of the video stuff myself but.. it's hard when I'm in majority of the shots." He said, shrugging. "So, maybe.. behind the scenes.. and maybe.." He trailed off.
"Maybe what?" He hesitated, his eyes getting wider.
"Maybe.. be in it with me?" He asked, scrunching up his face.

"You.. you want me to be in your music video?" I asked. He nodded. 
"W-what.. what would I be.. doing? Wait.. why me? I've never done anything like that. Don't you guys hire actual actors for that?" He shrugged, rolling his eyes.
"Yes and no." He said. "We could, but.. it makes it so awkward, for me at least. The songs are personal and authentic.. and.. I don't know.. bringing in a random person.. I just don't think it translates well. So.." I felt my heart beating faster.
"So you want me.." I said softly. He bit down on his lip, containing his smile, but nodding enthusiastically.

"Don't feel pressured, I'd still want you to help behind the scenes but.. I think it would be great."
"And.. what would I.. have to do?" I finally asked. His eyes got wider. He could tell I was starting to consider it.
"Nothing crazy at all. I have this montage idea.. so basically it would just be clips of us."
"Clips of us doing.. what?" I asked. His cheeks got redder.
"Well, I'm not sure yet. We'd have to see what the vibes are, but it's a love song so.. you'd have to pretend to be into me." He laughed. "Sorry to break it to you. I know how much that's gonna kill you."

He knew I wouldn't have to pretend.

"And you're only asking me because.. you feel more comfortable around me?" I asked, laughing to myself. His cheeks got redder as he nodded.
"Mhm.. that's the only reason." He smirked. "So.. will you at least think about it?"

I knew Jake wouldn't like this at all. I don't know how Josh planned to get this idea past him or the rest of the guys.

"Okay, I'll think about it." 

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