You're the One - Part 1 || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 55: What Do You Want?

I felt my stomach drop as I watched him make his way down the hallway. Why did everything have to be so complicated? A few moments ago, things were perfect. 

I wish Jake had never left; I just wanted him to come back.

Before going into his room, Josh turned back to look at me. I felt my stomach turn, and quickly ran back to my room.
"Jess?" I heard from behind me. I made it into the bathroom just in time. I guess I wouldn't have to lie about getting sick after all. I sighed, laying down on the cold tile, my head pounding.

"Jess?" I heard again. I groaned, sitting up, leaning against the tub.
"Hey.. are you okay?" Josh asked, now sitting down next to me, gently rubbing my back. I leaned my head forward, balancing it on my knees, taking a deep breath.
"I'm fine." I said quietly. "Where's-"
"Your mom's fine. She's asleep. Pretty much passed out as soon as she hit the pillow." He giggled to himself. I bit down on my lip.

I wasn't asking about her. 

"Thank you." I finally said. He nodded, continuing to rub my back, gently running his hand through my hair.
"It's no problem." He said softly. "Though, she did get a little handsy." He laughed. I picked up my head, smirking back at him.
"Yeah, sorry about that." I giggled. "She likes band guys." He bit down on his lip, nodding. I felt my stomach turn again, and quickly pulled away from him. He hesitated but eventually crawled over to me, holding my hair back.

"I'm sorry." He sighed. When I was finally able to pull my head back out of the toilet, I turned to face him, confused.
"Why are you sorry?" I asked. He smirked, shrugging.
"I got you your drink." He giggled. "But.. I didn't think it was that bad."
"It's not your fault." I laughed, propping my head up onto my hands. He reached up, gently rubbing my back again.

"Can we talk now?" I asked, turning to him. His cheeks burned as he bit down on his lip. He nodded.
"Okay." He said softly.
"You should know that.. Jake and I-" He shook his head.
"Trust me, I know." He said, cutting me off. My cheeks burned.
"You know.." He nodded again. My heart started beating faster.

"And he asked me to move in with him." I blurted out. I saw his face drop, his eyes get wider.
"M-move in?" He said. "But.. w-where?"
"He told me he was thinking about getting his own place.. back in Michigan. And.. he asked if I would want to.. move in with him."
"You're gonna move to Michigan.." He sighed. I bit down on my lip, shrugging.
"M-maybe." He held his stare on me, I could tell his mind was racing. 

"Josh, I.. I just want us to be able to be friends."
"You know I can't do that, Jess." He sighed, looking away.
"We can't go our whole lives like this." I said softly. He looked back at me, wide-eyed.
"Our.. whole lives?" He asked. My stomach dropped. "You're already thinking that far ahead with.. him?"
"I guess I am." I said. He held his stare on me, his eyes sad.

"Are you feeling any better?" He asked. I groaned, shaking my head.
"Here.." He said, getting up and going out into the bedroom. He came back with a bottle of water, placing it down next to me. "Drink."
"Thanks." I sighed, reaching for it. He grabbed it for me, opening the cap, handing it over.
"I don't know why this is happening now, I was fine before when-" I caught myself. Josh looked away.

"I'm not stupid, Jess. I know you two-" He stopped, shaking his head. "Well.. I'd rather not think about it. But.. I know." I felt my whole body get hot. He was the last person I wanted to talk about this with. He held his stare on me, his cheeks burning.

"It just feels like.. you guys are jumping into things.. so fast. Have you even talked about.. what you want out of life?" He asked. My stomach dropped. "Staying on a bus isn't the same as living together. Like.. what about further down the road? Do you want to get married one day? Do you want kids?"

"Josh.. why are you-"
"Because I just think you haven't thought it through." He snapped. I glared back at him, my cheeks burning.
"Well, I don't think that's any of your business."  I yelled. I saw his face get red as he glared back.

"Well, what do you want?" He asked. "Do you want to get married one day?" My heart started racing. I hated the fact that he was right. Jake and I hadn't talked about any of these things, but I really didn't think we had to just yet. It was still new. I just wanted to enjoy this part of it. 

Just because I was considering moving in with him.. 

"I.. I don't know." I said softly.
"Cause I can tell you, he does, and it's important to him. Him and I have talked about these things." I picked my head up, and leaned against the bathtub again, staring back at him.

"Both of us do." He said. "But.. he doesn't know if he ever wants kids. He.. loves this. And he'd choose music over anything. Where.. I don't think I can do this forever. I have.. so many other things I want to do. And I love kids. Honestly, I can't wait for the day.." He trailed off, holding his stare on me. My heart was pounding now. "All I'm saying is.." He sighed, reaching out for me again, gently pushing the hair out of my face. "How can you know who you want to be with if you don't know what you want for yourself?"  I felt my stomach turn again as I quickly dove for the toilet. I eventually felt his hand on my back again.

"Can you go get Jake, please." I groaned. He sighed, pulling away.
"Yeah..." He said softly, getting up from the floor, moving the water bottle next to me before walking out. I closed my eyes and focused on not throwing up again for as long as I could, until I heard a knock at the door. I looked up.

"Hey." Jake said, sitting down next to me on the floor. "What happened?"
"It just.. came out of nowhere." I sighed, peeking over at him. He gave me a subtle smile as he gently ran his hand through my hair.
"Here.." He said, wetting one of the washcloths, holding it onto my forehead. "You know, it's nice to get to take care of you for once." He giggled to himself. I couldn't help but smile, despite feeling like I was going to die.

"Jake.. d-do you want to get married?" I asked. He smirked, staring back at me wide-eyed.
"I mean, I'm kinda booked up for the next month but.. I think I could make it work." I giggled, shaking my head.
"I mean.. in general. One day. Is that.. is that something you want?" His smile grew as he looked back at me, confused.
"Did you hit your head?" He laughed. "How sick are you?" I rolled my eyes, smirking at him.
"I just.. I want to know what you want." He nodded, taking a moment.

"Yes." He said simply. "I want to get married. I see my parents, and how happy they are.. that's what I grew up with and.. that's what I want too." 
"Okay." I said softly.
"Do you want to get married?" He asked. I felt my body get cold, but I was convinced it was still from the nausea.

"I.. I wasn't sure for a while but.. I think now.. I do." His smile grew.
"Oh, what changed your mind?" He asked, his cheeks getting redder. I smirked, looking away.
"Nothing." He laughed, dampening the washcloth again and pressing it back against my forehead.

"And.. what about kids?" His eyes got wide.
"Kids? Are you sure you're okay?" He said, flashing me a smile. "What have you done with Jess?"
"I'm serious." I laughed. "I just.. you asked me to move in and now.. everything feels so-"

"Hey, I don't want you to turn this into anything you don't want it to be. I just don't want you going home after this tour ends. I.. want you to be with me. And if that's something you want, I want to do that for us. We don't have to do anything we don't want to do. I know you freak out.. but.. that's why I'm here now. To talk you off the ledge when you do." He giggled. I sighed, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders.

"I'd kiss you if my head hadn't been in the toilet all night." I said softly. He laughed, wiping the rest of my face.
"I appreciate it. But.. I'll be here when you feel better." I nodded.
"You didn't answer my question though.."
"Which one?"
"Do you want kids?" He bit down on his lip, his cheeks getting red. He hesitated.
"D-do you?"
"I asked you first." He smirked, nodding.

"They're.. not at the top of my list." He said reluctantly.
"Okay.." I managed, before I was face down in the toilet again.