You're the One - Part 1 || Greta Van Fleet

Chapter 19: Torn

"I can't find him." I heard from outside the door. I backed away, looking up at Jake. He stared back at me, his eyes wide. I didn't want to say anything, but he understood.

"You should go find him." He sighed, his face dropping.
"I'm sure the last person he wants to see right now is me." I scoffed. He held his stare.
"You're the only person he wants to see right now." I could feel my cheeks burning, but deep down I knew that he was right.
"I'm sorry." I said, kissing him again, and running out of the room.

I hopped down the stairs as quickly as my legs would allow, looking around once I got outside. We hadn't left the city yet, but everything looked completely different at night. Maybe going out to look by myself wasn't the best idea.

Where could he have gone off to?

"Josh!" I started to yell, making my way down the sidewalk, but I caught myself. I didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention if there were still fans around. I could only imagine any interaction he'd have while being this upset. It wouldn't look good for any of them.

I hadn't anticipated how much colder it would get at night. I tightly crossed my arms, looking up and down the allies, hoping to get a glimpse of anyone. But it was a ghost town after dark.

"Josh!" I yelled again. I was starting to get nervous now. We had to leave for the next city soon, and the lead singer had stormed off in a blind rage.
"Josh, please! Where are you?" I called out again. I couldn't imagine having to find my way back to the bus empty handed.

"Jess?" I heard. I quickly turned, seeing someone sitting on one of the benches facing the water.
"Josh??" He stood up to face me, his face still angry.
"What are you doing here? You're out here alone?" he asked. I ran over and pulled him into a tight hug. He hesitated, but eventually wrapped his arms around me, hugging back. His grip got tighter.
"Wh-what's this for?" He asked quietly, still holding on. I sighed.
"I'm sorry." I said, my face still buried in his neck. I felt his hand move to the back of my head, his fingers gently tangling into my hair. I felt him sigh.

I backed away to look up at him, he was staring back at me, his bloodshot eyes still sad, glowing under the deep yellow streetlights.

"Why him?" he finally asked. My cheeks burned. 
"I.. I don't know, Josh. I.." he shook his head, looking away.
"Do you really think I came here just to get with someone in the band." I asked, my face getting even redder.
"No." he said, without hesitation. "And I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it."
"Okay." I said. He reached out for me again, gently pulling me into another hug. I sighed, holding on tight.

"You.. didn't even give me a chance." he mumbled. 
"Jake is just-"
"I don't want to hear what Jake is." he snapped. I bit down on my lip, my cheeks burning again.
"I know you're together." he finally said, backing away. "But.. you told me.. you didn't want to be with anyone. So, what you meant was.. you didn't want to be with me."

"Josh.."
"Just be honest with me."
"I didn't know what to say, okay? You made me nervous. You were so sure, so fast. And I didn't know what to do with that. It scared me."
"Since when is knowing what you want a bad thing?" he asked. I crossed my arms, looking away.
"You just.. you don't know anything about me. And I was scared that.. you'd move on just as quick."
"But you aren't scared of Jake." he said simply. I looked back at him, gently shaking my head.
"I can't help that." I whispered. He crossed his arms and nodded. 

"Well, I can't help how I feel either." he said, now staring back at me. "I've known how I felt since I first saw you. And.." he shrugged. "I don't know. I think you rushed into things with Jake, because maybe, you're afraid of how you feel about me." My heart started to pound.

"I know how I feel about him." I said quietly. He shook his head. 
"Maybe you do.. but I know you feel things for me too."
"Why do you keep saying that?" I sighed.
"Because it's true! You came to look for me! You were the one who was relieved to find me. You've never hugged me like that before, until you thought I was missing." My cheeks got redder. He was right.

"We need to find a way to be friends." I said, turning back to him. "We have 3 more months together. We can't keep doing this." His face was stern again.
"Well, I don't know if I can." He muttered.
"Well then we at least need to be civil." He was quiet for a minute.

"We should get back." I finally said.
"Fine." he sighed, making his way back. I quickly followed, trying to catch up.

The air had gotten even colder. I crossed my arms tight again, starting to shiver. I tried not to make it obvious. 
"Here." he said, taking off his sweater and handing it to me, avoiding eye contact.
"I'm okay." 
"No you're not." He said, putting it in my hands. I didn't fight him, pulling it over my head.
"Thank you." I mumbled.
"Mhm."

"Jake said we're going back to your hometown soon." I said, looking back up at him. He nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets, obviously getting colder only now being in a t-shirt. I moved closer to him, grabbing hold of his arm. He peeked over at me, then quickly looked forward again, pretending to ignore me. But I felt him move closer.

"Yeah, it'll be nice to get to see everyone at a show."
"He said I'll get to meet your mom." He bit his lip, nodding.
"Apparently you guys are all really close." He nodded again.
"Josh.."
"I wanted to be the one to introduce you to her." He said, peeking back down at me. I felt my heart start to pound again. I looked down at my feet, still tightly holding on to his arm.
"She knows all about you." He said quietly, leaning more into me. "I guess from both of us now."
"You're not gonna make her hate me, are you?" I asked. He giggled.
"I don't think I could do that if I tried." I couldn't help but smile. Even hurt, he was sweet.

When we finally reached the bus, we noticed all the lights were out except for in the back room. Jake was waiting up for me. Josh noticed.
"You should get back to your boy." He sighed, reaching for the door. 
"Josh wait-" I stopped him, gently grabbing his hand.
"I.. I'm glad you were okay." I said quietly. He hesitated, but leaned down, gently kissing my cheek.
"Thank you. I'll.. see you tomorrow." he said softly. He went inside, and I followed him closely behind.

Josh plopped down into his bunk, pulling the covers over him and rolling over to face the wall. I made my way past, gently opening the back door. When I looked inside, Jake was lying on my bed, flipping through my journal.

"What are you doing??" I snapped. I quickly grabbed it, but he held on. 
"Jess, wait!" he yelled, holding on tight.
"Jake, I told you that was private!" 
"Is this about me?" he asked, holding it open to one page. My stomach dropped. I felt like my face was on fire, and I quickly grabbed my journal, pulling it out of his hands.
"Yes! Okay??" I snapped, tossing it into the drawer of the end table. "Yes, it's about you! Now can we drop it??" He sighed, giving me a small smile, but he didn't say a word. Instead he reached up, gently grabbing me by Josh's sweater. I had forgotten I was wearing it, but he didn't seem to notice. It looked like he had finished the bottle of champagne while I was out.

"You're really good." He said sweetly, pulling me in. I crawled onto the bed, moving into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.
"..Really?" I asked. He nodded, his smile growing. 
"Maybe.. we could try and write it.. as a song?" he said, flashing me his big beautiful eyes. I sighed, gently running my fingers through his hair. 
"We'll talk about it tomorrow." I said, gently kissing him. I felt him smile.
"Okay."

He lied down, wrapping his arm around my stomach, and pulled me up against him. It felt like minutes before he passed out and his even breaths started to hit my neck. I moved my hand into his, intertwining our fingers.

I lied up for what felt like hours, wondering how I'd ever tell him the poem he picked out was actually about Josh.