It Starts With a Question

Liar

What was wrong with the weather lately? Touka had no idea, but it seemed as if the weather always became grim whenever she was feeling bad. At least it worked in her favour, because she felt like the world was crumbling away.

He promised didn't he? He said he wouldn't leave her alone. Then, why... Why was it, that the moment they escaped from Aogiri's strongholds... He abandoned her?! He said he wouldn't return to Anteiku, that he had things to prepare for... Get stronger and she couldn't go with him. What was the point of making such a promise in the first place, if he would leave anyway?!

"Fucking liar... You're a fucking liar Kaneki!" The ukaku ghoul growled teeth gritted as she tried to hold back her tears.

Her mind went back to that moment... When he had saved her from her brother Ayato... And held her in his arms. Thought she passed out not soon after, she remembered how shocked she was... He was so different, so unlike that gentle sweet boy. He looked... strong, broken, tormented, but among all that sadness, she saw a glinted of happiness and relief... She wanted to hug him and ask him what happened, comfort him, tell him how sorry she was, for allowing those bastards to take him away. How she would cherish their time together and try to get to know the half-ghoul better. About his past, his other interest that doesn't involve reading and she would tell him about herself. At least the more cheerful chapters.

He also seemed relieved to see her, but he didn't want her with him... Why? Because he didn't want her to destroy the life she had built up over the years? Because it wasn't safe for her?

She wanted to punch him, to yell at him, to try and make him open his eyes, to return to the old Kaneki, but he wasn't the same anymore... He wasn't the same Kaneki she had fallen in love with...

'But even if that's the case... Why does it hurt so much?' Why had he come into her life? Allowing herself to open up to him and allow him into her heart, only for it to be left empty and broken... again.

She gritted her teeth, tears falling down her cheeks as she looked at the precious engagement ring that was previously owned by her deceased father. The names Arata and Hikari were engraved inside the object.

"Why did you have to leave me? Mom, dad..." She didn't care that her face was getting wet, it was like those times all over again, her mother had left her, her father had left her... Ayato left her and tore her up as if he didn't care about anything, didn't care about anything that they had to go through, the hardships she had to suffer as a child, just to protect her little brother... and now Kaneki too. She had failed those she had to protect and as payment they had left her and to make it even worse Hinami also left, with the half-ghoul.

This really was the worst day ever. "It hurts! I feel so alone... I hate it!" The girl bit her finger hard enough to draw blood. She didn't care, anything was better than the feeling she harboured now.

Why did they leave her? Why was it, that everyone, who she cared deeply about left her? Was it her fault? Was she just attracting bad luck? It felt so unfair to her. She couldn't understand, why every time she felt like she could finally be happy and enjoy her life, that everything would crumble in front of her?

"Fuck you! Fuck you shithead! You can go to hell!" The ukaku ghoul growled.

The girl stayed curled up on the ground, hugging her pillow while sobbing silently. She was all alone, alone, broken and worst of all; there was no one to comfort her.

She stayed blankly at the calendar that was hanging on her wall; 24th of December. In other words, Christmas Eve. The day she and Kaneki were supposed to spend together. Enjoy each other's company and celebrate that the half-ghoul was finally back at home, back at Anteiku.

Instead, she was in her room. 'Such holidays are so stupid.' The teen thought. It's only meant for commercial purposes. Touka wondered, if she was meant to be alone for the rest of her life. Just to let herself get drowned in misery.

Her tears finally dried after hours of crying. She stood up and wiped her face from any remaining tears. Touka guessed that she was a mess by now, but she didn't care. She would show him.

Show him that she wouldn't allow to be messed with. If he comes crawling back, begging for her forgiveness, she would beat the crap out of him and show him that everyone would be fine even without his stupid face.

Her heart still throbbed from the pain, but she could handle it, it wasn't the first time she's been betrayed, not the first time they've lied to her.

"All men are fucking liars..." The ukaku ghoul mumbled, before leaving her room and make herself some coffee. Lamenting about the times she spent with him... She wished she had more time to tell him... Her real feelings.

"I fucking hate you... Lair..."

The girl slammed the door of her apartment hard. She refused to drown in her misery, so she left for fresh air, leaving her apartment in deathly silence.

In the back of her closet, a neatly wrapped up present still laid there, waiting to fulfil its purpose. Though to Touka's lamenting, she knew that the day would never come. The present she was so eager to give, would stay there quietly, until the day arrives, when the silent storm would finally settle to make place for the sun.
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After-note about the chapter: The first part of this fic was actually part of one-shot 4, but it didn't seem suitable so I decided to cut it and use it for this chapter, since she's more broken and sad, followed by determination and anger here and in chapter 4 worry was eating her away, while trying to hold onto hope later on. Also, when you reread Tokyo Ghoul very often, you come across scenes that gives you the urge to explore them more, like I had with one-shot 2 and this one. Sure, this isn't the most profound chapter. In my opinion, I still did my best. Ah, the work of a writer is never finished and we always want to add more details! Let's say my urge to write came also with the fact that I had so much inspiration for the future chapters so I just wrote and wrote and wrote! Using the feeling of sadness that I tried to build up inside me with music, so I could turn it into words. Not easy to do when you're not feeling sad, but my Touken feels helped me with that.