It Starts With a Question

Thoughts & Feelings

Days had passed, no weeks and it was still hard to get over it for the half-ghoul. Too many things had been haunting him, be it nightmares from his torture days, the noise of something crawling in his ear, the screams, the taunts, the voices. To be honest, he had the urge to get out whatever was crawling in his ear, scratch it, poke it, tear of the haunting feeling, but what hurt him most was that he left the people who had taken care of him since he had become a ghoul.

After his escape from Aogiri, Kaneki parted ways with his colleagues from Anteiku. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, especially when he saw Touka's speechless expression. He could almost feel her pain, the shock, everything, she looked so confused and sad. She didn't even talk back to him like she used to.

He wondered if he had been too hard on her... The face she showed... It was that of disappointment, shock and betrayal. He didn't keep his promise and he knew it. He said he'd stop by, but days, no weeks had passed and he still hadn't stopped by. He lied to her and he was very aware of it.

Kaneki stared outside the window from his room. It was completely dark and the stars were present like always, alongside the full moon, but for some reason the night sky felt different to the one-eyed ghoul. The sky felt solemn, empty, unlike all the other times he had stared upwards.

He laughed bitterly. How drastic things turned out to be. He could hardly believe that a few weeks ago, he was just enjoying his daily life at Anteiku, attending university, work as a part-timer at Anteiku and wondering if he could ask Touka to spend Christmas with him.

"This is for the best..." He reminded himself.

He glanced at his desk; two books lay there untouched. Kaneki tried to read them, but for some reason he couldn't feel engrossed in them. Nothing could give him back what he had lost and apparently it was more than what he expected.

The half-ghoul held up his hand and stared at his black nails; another change due to his days captive at Aogiri, along with his white hair and personality change. Because... The previous him, wasn't able to protect anything.

Kaneki cracked his finger unconsciously.

The white-haired ghoul decided to take some fresh air, he put on a jacket, shove open the window and disappeared into the night.
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The cold against his skin felt refreshing and he realized how satisfying a stroll in the night could be. He had to admit; the streets really looked different if you compared it during the daytime , it looked better during the night. Details you wouldn't notice otherwise were now visible, like the cracks in one of the walls, the smell of fresh paint, the sounds of the wind, stray cats, the eerie view the darkness gave in the shadows. You'd never know when it would be over for you. And with the present silence, all thanks to the growing fear of the citizens towards ghouls. Clearly a consequence of what happened in the 11th ward. Yes, he really needed this, this silence, this peace.

'Touka-chan would have liked this...'

Kaneki looked up and noticed that he had headed towards the 20th ward unconsciously. A strange feeling of nostalgia overwhelmed him. It couldn't hurt to take a look at how the others were doing. As long as they didn't spot him.
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The 20th ward was more lively, since it was still the most peaceful ward in Tokyo. Not that it bothered him, it was nostalgic and relieving for the half-ghoul. He decided to go to the roof of one of the apartment buildings and enjoy his surroundings or better say; see what Touka was up to.

The girl was in her room studying, surprisingly, still in her school uniform. She seemed so engrossed in it that she wasn't aware of her surroundings at all.