Alone

Chapter Twelve Something I never thought I'd do

I go to school the next day. I don't sit on the bus with Sam. I don't talk to anyone. I have no friends.
"Rowan" Sam begs. "Please talk to me."
I walk away.
"Rowan" Will begs. "Please talk to me."
I walk away.
Why were they my friends?
I see how Sam has so many friends. They all admire her. I see how Will is one of the coolest guys in grade nine. There isn't a person in the school that can say a bad thing about him. So why'd they choose me?
A new thought hits me. Maybe I'm like those people that they talk to. I'm nothing special. Just a person they talk to everyday. I could mean nothing to them.
"Stop. Don't talk to me. Loser, Lameo, Wannabe, like oh, totally!" people sing as I walk past them.
"Oh look" says Lauren. Laura is right behind her looking sad. "It's you. I didn't think you can get more irritating."
"You cover up well" I say. "I guess you have some sort of skill."
She scowls at me. "Hey I'm not the one that can't hold down a friend."
My guard is down instantly. I've been wounded.
"Don't cry" she says. "Please you have bigger things to cry about." She pauses. "When your mom dies from cancer, that is."
Someone pulls me away before I have the time to kill her. Laura.
"Lets go of me!"
"No" she says.
"Did you or did you not hear the stupid words she just said. I don't care if it goes against my morals to kill someone. I hate her."
"I know you do" she says.
"I can't believe you hang out with such scum."
"Hey" she says. "That's not nice."
"What she said was darn right..." I swallow my anger.
"I know. I want to see your mom" she says sad.
"You can come with us after school." My mom has been suspicious for awhile about me not hanging out with Laura. Besides she loves her and it'll make her happy.
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"Hello Mrs.Grand" says Laura. "I've missed you."
Caught the act, I want to say.
"I've missed you too Laura. How are you?"
"Well" she says. Tears flow down her face.
She's...crying. I'm so confused. Is this an act or is it real. I've always known that they were close.
They talk for awhile until I say anything to mom. We send Laura back home and I go to my dingy, old, palace.
"What's happening?" I say. "How can one minute I'm living the dream and the next my whole world is falling apart?" "I live in a dump. My mom had cancer. We're in financial debt. I have no friends, and I'm being bullied.
I confused. I don't want to live anymore.
I tip toe downstairs and grab a knife. I go to the washroom and start doing something I'd never thought I'd do. Cutting. I've started cutting.