Alone

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Hey dear" my mom says. "Haven't seen you in awhile."
"Mom? What are you doing here? Where are we?"
The blinding white light around us makes me feel at ease.
"I'm here to help you. As to where we are, it doesn't matter." She comes closer to me and grabs my shoulders. "You have to be strong."
"Mom..."
"No" she interrupts. "You have to be. You felt what it's like to lose someone to suicide. You were crushed. Imagine if you were closer to the boy. You saw how Will and Samantha felt. So you have to strong."
"I can't. Not when I have army of people hating me."
"They don't hate you though."
"Yeah they do."
"Has it ever come to you that the people are only being mean to you so Lauren doesn't be mean to them. But when they see you standing up for yourself it will change." I shake my head. "Trust me."
"I can't. I just can't." Tears sting my eyes. "I can't do it without you. I don't want to go without you any longer."
She drops to her knees and looks at me with her deep green eyes. "What are you talking about? I've always been with you."
"You have?"
"I have."
"But how?" I ask.
"As cheesy as it can be, I'm right here." She points to my heart. "So do it for me sweetie. Make me prouder than I already am and wake up from your dream."
"Dream?" It suddenly hits me. "The last thing I remember was being hit by a car." No reply comes and I realize that's she's gone. I smile, her green eyes splashed in my mind. "Bye mom."
A new light spreads on me and I see the worried face of my dad. A smile spreads across his face and tears flood his eyes.
"How are you?" He asks.
"A lot better now." his frown returns. "What's wrong?"
"You scared me."
"I'm sorry. I was going home but I stopped and the car came too fast..."
"Let's forget it."
"But how am I still alive?"
"Samantha saw you and said you jumped out of the way but you hit your head on the ground."
"Samantha" I say. "Is she okay?"
"Yeah." he pauses. "Why did you try to kill yourself again?"
"I didn't try to this time."
"Just try not to scare me again."
I laugh but it's wobbly. "What if I become a spy?"
"You be a spy" he says "and don't tell me. Okay?"
"Deal."
-------------------------------------------------------
I'm on back on the my bed not having the power to not think about Kzwana. He admitted that it killed him.
"Hey dear" my dad says. "Let's go to the support group."
(10 minutes later)
I open the door slowly and see Will and Sam sitting there. I jump to them and pull them into a great big hug. Tears fall out all from the past few months. They return the gesture and we sit down.
"We're having a funeral for Kzwana this Saturday" informs Jeff. "Would you like to..."
"Yes" I interrupt. "May I say a few..."
"Yes" he smiles.
I spend the rest of my time making a speech and so is Will. He's doing it with Sam.
I really do miss Kzwana. If this is how I feel, I wonder what Will and Sam would have felt if I committed suicide.
So that's how it is. Going through each and every day with the fact of being bullied and carrying on the weight of two dead people.
Lauren just decided to escalate it a bit Friday.
"So loser" she says. "How's it feel to know you killed someone else?" I ignore her. "What you deaf now?" I still ignore her. "Hey" she screams. "Talk, you idiot." I still don't respond. She knees me in the stomach and I sink down clutching it. "You know I hate you" she says. "That I think you're a waste of even a glance. The thing is when something bothers you, you have to stand up for what's right. Now let's see, you're not right. I'm not the only one that thinks so too. What about the 22,000 people that liked our page." I ignore her again. "Idiot." She spits in my face and I wipe it away. Finally she leaves. No one is worse than Lauren.