leather - negan x reader

chapter thirty-three - apologize

tw: smut, idk

my head shoots up, negan smiles at me. "shit, fuck - you've gotta get out of here. seriously, run." i stand from his lap.

"what? what the hell?" corbin says. "dude, who are you?"

"negan smith. who the hell are you?"

"corbin."

"you the one that's been keepin' my girl busy the past few days? the one who is supposedly better than i am in bed? hell, you must really be something 'cause i put stars in her eyes."

"what? we just met, like four hours ago," he throws his hands up, "i didn't know she was your girl. sorry man," he rushes out.

"are you fucking happy now?" i angrily say.

"you've been lying to me, huh? or was there another guy?"

"that's none of your business."

"i drove all the way out here, looked through all these houses. i sure as hell am gonna get some answers. but damn, i cannot help but stare at you in that bikini."

"shut up and get out. i'm done giving you chances, all you do is lie."

"no. you don't tell me what to do. get over here, now."

"no. you don't tell me what to do. get out."

"i'm not leaving."

"and why the hell not?"

"because y/n," he grows serious, "i am in fucking love you. and i'm not leaving until we are okay."

"if you loved me you wouldn't keep lying and you wouldn't have multiple wives. leave me alone. i'm begging you, leave me alone so i can move on."

"no. i love you."

"stop saying that," i say, wiping tears as he steps towards me. i back into the corner, him following.

"i love you. look at me y/n, i love you. and i'm sorry. i really am. please, give me one more chance. let me explain. please, baby." his hands cup my cheeks.

"no, i can't. you don't deserve another chance. i don't fucking believe you," i push his hands away and run towards the stairs. i climb them at record-breaking speed and then head into the bedroom. he follows after me, a lot slower than i had gone.

"fine. you don't have to give me another chance. you don't even have to love me. just please, let me explain. i can't live with myself if i don't get to explain."

"fine," i wipe my tears, turning from him, "i'm waiting for an explanation."

"you remember my uh...my wife's medical files," he pauses, "okay, not gonna answer, i get that. anyways, well, i was a shitty husband. i stepped out on her, i treated her like shit. i was a piece of shit to her. and then she died, and the human inside me died with her. that was, well until i met you. i saw you and i felt something i never had before. then we spent so much time together, and i realized i loved you. and quite frankly, that scared the shit outta me. i'd never allowed myself to get close to anyone after her, but you, i made an exception for. that scared me too. and i'm not saying it's an excuse, nothing can excuse that shit. i lied, and i cheated. because i guess i didn't - don't - know how to see what's good for me. i kept doing it because i thought if i could sleep with other women, i wasn't really in love with you. but when you smile, or laugh, or stick your freezing cold hands on my back, or steal the covers, or talk me into a movie i know i'll hate but i watch for you, or literally anything, i know i do. i kept running though, because if i could get you mad at me, if i could make you hate me, maybe i could stop loving you. but i couldn't. the other night, i rolled over in bed, full-on expecting you to be there, and when you weren't, my heart physically fuckin' hurt. that's some cheesy shit right there, and you know i'm not one for cheesy shit. but it's fucking true. and two weeks ago, when you tried to surprise me but i fucked it up, i hated myself. i realized how much i couldn't live without you. i love you, y/n. even if you hate me, even if you never wanna see me again, i love you. and i am so sorry for all the shit i've put you through."