A Slum Love Crime. (A$AP Rocky Story)

Part Nove

I’ve never had so many unanswered questions in my life.

I can’t even ask him what I want to. I could, but it’s just awkward. It’s scary. I see Rakim completely different now, as if he transformed from a chill, cool big-brother into a cold-blooded killer. That’s the thing, though—he didn’t kill anybody. But he put someone in a coma with intentions of killing them.

And to think I had been feeling guilty for having shady thoughts about that day, the day I first saw him. To think I was actually defending him. I hated myself a little bit for even considering the possibility of Rakim having anything to do with the murder, and he was the one that did it in the first place?

Life is funny.

I made Rakim leave right after he told me what he did. Well, not right after. He just told me why he wasn’t so thrilled about me getting the tattoo—because of what he did, not only is he wanted, but anyone else associated with him is, too. That is basically the entire ASAP Mob. So if I get that tattoo, I’m officially a mobber, and eligible to be kidnapped by Mango and forced to give him Rakim’s whereabouts.

There’s a slight chance of that happening, I think. I’m just going by what Rakim is thinking. But Mango doesn’t know the right place to look. Sure, it’s Harlem, but the place Rakim used to live was all the way across town.

I think…

“I think I might hold you guys back for a little while into the next period, since I need to finish teaching this lesson.” Said Ms. Goldberg, the one of the few white teachers in my school. The whole class groaned and threw their hands up in the air. Even a few racist comments came from some of them.

“It’s not like you eat the school lunch, anyway. I know you all think it’s disgusting.” She said. Next period was our lunch period. Most of us agreed; I did too. But it was our only free time for the day—she couldn’t take that away.

The bell rang suddenly. “Who wants to go can go, who wants to stay can stay. I just want to let you know that if you stay, that’s ten points on your next final.”

Most of the kids remained in their seats. Ten points is a lot. Even the worst kids in the class stayed in their seats. The worst of the worst, though, couldn’t care less and walked out the class. I was expecting Kevon to stay, but he walked out the door with the rest. As I sat in my seat and waited for Ms. Goldberg to continue, I felt a piece of paper drop on my leg.

I picked it up, and in pretty handwriting, it read: Come to the library.

I glanced out the hallway, but I couldn’t see who dropped the paper. I couldn’t decide whether it was for me or not, but I crumpled up the paper, took my bag and snuck out the classroom. The halls were busy with people heading to the cafeteria. I brushed past them and ran up the creaky stairs to the 3rd floor.

This floor was always quiet, because the library was on this floor. And I don’t mean because people needed silence to read, I mean because no one was in the library and no one wanted to be. I tip-toed down the hall to the library.

It was the biggest room in the building, bigger than the cafeteria. It wasn’t really that big, though. There were just three shelves of books, and a few tables and chairs. The librarian wasn’t even in there. It was only me, and one other person. The person that left me the note.

Kevon.

Before I could pass out, seeing that this was about the third time he’s acknowledged me in my life, he nodded to me.

“Hey,” I said reluctantly. I walked over to the table he was sitting on and sat beside him. The library was too quiet. I was waiting for a sound, any sound, to come from somewhere.

I was nervous.

“I thought you wouldn’t come.” He said. I could go on forever about how his left eyebrow curled above the right one, and how a smile slowly crept onto his perfect lips…But if I did, it would never end.

“But I did.” I replied. I almost slapped myself. Who says that? I sounded stupid.

“Yeah…I’m glad you did, Tre.”

My jaw slightly dropped. Tre? He called me Tre! I didn’t even know he knew about that nickname. Only my mother and the ASAP boys call me that. And Shandy, too. Basically people close to me. But Kevon really just called me Tre…I made a mental note to go out and buy a diary today and write all about it.

“How come?” I asked.

“’Cause I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while.”

Oh no. Oh…no.

“I just…I don’t know. It’s stupid. That night when you came to the party, Justin was talking about you, about how pathetic you are, and how funny the whole thing was. I didn’t really think it was funny or pathetic, though. So I told him he was wrong. But he laughed at me, and so did his boys. So I had to pretend he was right. But on the inside, though, I always thought he was wrong about that.” Kevon explained.

I literally could not move. It was like my nervous system had frozen over.

“Thank you.” I managed to say. He smiled again. I could already feel myself getting drowsy; I could faint any second.

“You’re welcome. Anyway, I put off on asking you this because I knew everyone else would call me stupid. But I stopped caring about them. So, Tremaine…” Kevon paused for a long time, as if reconsidering everything he said. I still felt like I was seconds away from unconsciousness. This was surreal.

“There’s a lot of movies coming out, and restaurants that my Mom can take us to, and walks in the park and shit…So basically, what I’m trying to ask is, can I take you out sometime? Like, you and me, together?”

Boom, right there. I passed out cold.

                                                                          * * *

My life is problematic.

There has probably never been a life in history like mine. Everything is happening too fast. I can’t catch up. I’m in a race with my own self. Who else’s life is like that? No one. That’s not a good thing.

I was unconscious throughout the lunch period, but eventually I woke up. Kevon must’ve thought I was a fool. He probably doesn’t even want to go out with me anymore.

The thought felt funny in my mind. I must have been daydreaming. Kevon didn’t actually ask me out, did he? The mere thought of us together was enough to make me blush until I pulled my hair out. If only Shandy wasn’t absent today…

Embarrassing myself in front of Kevon is only one of my problems. Rakim is the biggest one. I’m torn as to whether or not I should never speak to him again, or help him get through it.

The problem I was dealing with at the moment, though, was Momma. I could swear she’s been talking to my Daddy without telling me. But that’s not possible…I thought he was dead, or in jail, or whatever she told me.

“Momma, if you were friends with someone, and then found out something really bad about them, would you help them get through it or break your friendship?” I asked her while she was in the kitchen cooking. She shook her head.

“I’d help them get through it. That’s the Christian way to go about it, I guess. But it’s also the better way.” She replied. I was happy she didn’t ask me who I was talking about. I guess that’s it then, I thought, I’ll help Rakim.

“And by the way, Momma, what ever happened to my Daddy?” I asked purposely. Momma just looked at me dismissively, and continued cooking. I could tell she was uncomfortable, though.

Ugh.