The Fighter

Chapter 37

We've been at the station for over two hours now and we decided to wash the trucks. It was Jet's idea because every time we wash all the trucks, we get a call. I guess he really wants one even though we just had one last night. "Has anyone talked to Pete and asked when his child is coming back?" I asked. "No, I asked Harry, he doesn't know when exactly he's coming back. Sorry kid. I tried to find out for you." He was going through his messages. "It's okay. You tried. I really don't want to ask John how he found out. Probably his dad...." "So, don't kill Kyle, but he told me how you and John got into it." "What are you talking about? We didn't get into anything." "Uh huh, and what are these." He rolled the sleeve on my left arm to expose my healing bruises. "Oh, yeah." I pulled my sleeve back down. "Mickie, please don't get back together will him again." "I won't. He and I are forever done." "Good. That isn't the first time you two got physical with each other was it?" "No, it was not the first time. We used to when we dated the first time. That's why we broke up. I put him through a window and he put me through a wall. We were drinking, when that happened. He was drinking this time." "I know all about that. I'm pretty sure everyone in this fire house does. Bill was upset with John for a while." "I know, he apologized to me every time he saw me. John and I are not good together. When we're good, we're really good. And, when we're bad, we're toxic." "We didn't really like you two together." "Yeah, Ky told me that all the time. That was my abusive relationship." I shook my head. I was a dumbass."

We got to the pickup and I refilled my bucket with soap and water. "Do you ever think about our relationship?" Jet asked spraying down the truck. "Honestly, sometimes. Why?" "I was just wondering...." I know that your girlfriend never really approved of us being friends because we're exes." "My ex-girlfriend and she never understood this whole brother/sister hood thing." "I know, you tell me everything." "Then why don't you tell me anything anymore." "What do you want to know?" "Everything again." "Everything? Well that's a lot. You know about my past and about my parents. You know about my sister and my brother. You know about my relationship with you, and with John. You know about my friendship with Kyle and you even know about Greg. So, I think that you're up to speed and I do tell you everything." "Fair enough." He laughed. "See." "What if we get a call right now?" "A couple of things would happen. One, I would throw this bucket of water on you because you just said that and two I would run out to my truck because I'm the dumbass that forget to bring my gear in." "Yeah, so did I." "So don't even say anything about getting a freaking call!" "You're itching for one too and you know it." "No actually. I'm fine for now. We literally just had one! I just put the rest if the hose away this morning!" "Yeah so did John and I!" "It's just been a long day and I don't want a call. Save it for tomorrow afternoon at least." "Oh, okay I'll try." He rolled his eyes at me and I stuck my tongue out at him.

We finished washing trucks and I decided to go home. I guess Gavin, Julie, and Avvy came and got some of Avvy's stuff while I was out, because my room was really bare. It was so uncomfortable. So, I went to sleep in the family room on the couch. Marley came in looked at me and cried before she laid at my feet. "I know, I miss her too." I patted her head and sighed. Even though it was a long day, after a long night I still couldn't sleep. There was too much on my mind. I watched the hours pass slowly on my phone. No calls, no texts, no Facebook messages. I looked over at my pager that was sitting on coffee table. Now I was hoping for a call, just to break the silence, just to be around someone, just to take my mind off of everything. I dozed off for an hour or so and then I was wide awake again.

I went to the station around 5am. No one else was there and it was very nice and peaceful. I made coffee and went to organize the gear room. The shelves were pretty much done, it was just the gear that hadn't been put away from members that had recently resigned and turned it in. I grabbed one set and started taking it apart. It was Greg's and I hadn't touched it since the day I found out that he left. I took the boots out and started folding the pants. "You don't have to put them away. I need those." Greg walked into the gear room. No hesitation what's so ever. "You're back already. That was fast." I threw the pants to him and he caught them. "Yeah, I figured that I wouldn't waste any time." "On what?" "You." He put the pants down and kissed me. I was so caught off guard that I didn't pull away.

We ended up, upstairs in the hose tower together. There were couches and blankets up there. We were laying the couch with nothing but blankets on. "How the hell did this happen?!" I got up and got dressed. "It happened because you still love me!" "Of course I do, but I can't!" "Why not?!" "You hurt me so bad, you left me without a single word. How can I forgive that?" "Because I'm sorry. I've poured my heart out to you. I was scared." "And you aren't now?!" "No!" "Just because you aren't now doesn't mean that you won't be! I know you, when things get rough you get scared and run. All it takes is for another mistake and you're gone again." "No, not this time!" "And why is this time different from any other time?" "Because it is!"

"Well that's not an answer! Why is this different?! Why should I trust you again?!" "Because leaving you was my biggest mistake. My biggest regret. When I was gone, it killed me. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I love you and I can't live without you!" "I love you too, and I don't think that I'll ever stop loving you. And it kills me to be without you. It kills me to pretend that I'm okay. But no matter what I feel for you. I can't trust you, and I don't know if I will ever be able to again. So now that you're back, I have to keep my distance. I have to sit here and watch you pretending that I don't want you. I have to sit her and pretend that I don't love you, because I can't." "But you can Mickie. You can!" he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him. I couldn't fight it. "I love you." I cried trying to pull myself together. "I love you too and you know that I do."