The Fighter

Chapter 43

I sat in the office and spun my office chair around and around. I know that they didn't want me on the fire scene because they don't think I'm "up to it" right now. But if anything, sitting here by myself is a lot worse. The radio wasn't taking, and I had no idea what was going on. What. The. Hell. I have already been here for an hour and a half.  I took one of the portable radios and turned it on. The radio in the office is to stay on the county channel and at least this way I could scan through fire grounds, ours and our mutual aide. I scanned through to see if anyone was saying anything. I did hear that one of the other departments helping us was going to a fill site to fill their tanker. We have a pump truck in our bay, but it's over 30 years old and it's not allowed to leave the property just in case it breaks down......again. It could be used to set up a full site at the station using the creek,  and a portable  pond.  And I'd do that, but there are two problems with that. Number one, in our department you can take the class at 18 to drive the trucks (which I have), but you can't drive them until you're 21. And number two, I'm not allowed to ANYTHING right now.
I went into the kitchen and made about 25 sandwiches and cut them in half. I put them on a big plate and covered them up so they'd still be somewhat fresh. I made coffee and made sure that we had water and soda in the fridge. Then, I went around and did all the dishes and put them away. There was a knock at the door while I was walking back to the office. It's someone who doesn't know the code because no one usually knocks.  I opened it, it was Jet's sister Tessa. "Hey, you guys are all done?" She asked coming in. "No, I was just sent back here because they don't think I should be on a fire scene right now. What are you doing here?" "Jet called me like an hour ago and asked if I could bring him some extra clothes. He told me what happened, I'm really sorry." "Thanks." I forced a smile. "If you need to talk I'm here." "I appreciate it." I sighed and looked up watching someone come in the door.
It was Gavin. "I'll talk to you later." Tessa smiled and left. "What are you doing here?" I asked walking into the office. " I came to check on you. Kyle called me and said that Chief made you  leave the scene and come back here." "Yeah and I don't know why. I'm fine and I can do my damn job just fine too." "Mickie, you're not fine. Your ex-boyfriend just died! In a very traumatic way none the less. You are not fine." "I'm fine! What would you know?" "A lot more than you'd think! Mick, you can tell me the truth, I understand!" "What truth? I'm fine!" "I know you. You're lying to me!" He persisted to piss me off. "Oh you know me? Really? That's new!" "Will you quit it with the attitude and just talk to me?" He begged. 
"You want me to talk, well fine. Here it goes, I just lost probably the love of my life to suicide. I don't understand and neither do you! You don't understand what it was like being at that funeral. A funeral that I NEVER in a million years thought that I'd be at! You don't understand what it's like to see his little brother falling apart before my eyes! You don't understand what it felt like to have that kid pull you in and hold you so tight you knew his whole world was falling apart! You don't understand seeing the guy you once knew, talked to, hugged, kissed, and loved down to ashes in a box! No you don't understand because this is not like losing mom or dad! Dad is the reason that I'm so fucked up, and Greg was what made me feel a little more together, a little less fucked up! This is like having your heart ripped out of your chest and hurting so bad that you can stand. You also don't understand how people stare at me now, how they don't look at me the same. How they think that I'm broken and screwed up, but they're just seeing that now because of what happened. They don't realize, that's how I've always been. This is nothing new. So, when I say that I'm fine, God Damn it, I'm fine!" I yelled and got it all out. Then I dropped to my knees and cried.
"Yeah, I know. But I also know that you wouldn't have told anyone that, not even Kyle. So yes Mickie, I do know you, because I just knew how to push you to tell me all that." He got down next to me and hugged me. I shook my head and cried. "I love you Gavin." " I love you too Mickie." He kissed my head and I held on to my brother for dear life.
When I started to settle down, we got up off the floor and went into the kitchen. "Clarksville to Hale County. All units returning." Harry spoke over the radio. "What do you want me to do?" Gavin asked. "Help me uncover the food and make sure the coffee is hot. I'm going to get the cascade system ready so we can fill bottles." I directed him. "Aye, aye captain!" He smiled and followed my directions.
The trucks came back and I opened the doors and back in one after another. They all got out of the trucks and helped me close the doors. I helped fill bottle and wash trucks. "Hey! There's food and drinks in the kitchen if you all are hungry!" I got everyone's attention. "You okay?" Kyle came over to me and asked. "Yeah, I could fucking punch you right now." I smiled. "I know, but you'll love me again at the end of the day." He laughed.