The Fighter

Chapter 41

After the funeral, we stayed at the reception for a while. We ate and conversated with his other fire department. John, Jet, Jake, and Kyle were changing and then they were coming to sit with me. I was alone for a while. I couldn't eat. Papa and the other older guys were talking to the other chief and members. I was watching the slide show they put up on the wall through the projector. My heart was in a million pieces, and I didn't know how to fix it. I wish this was all a dream, I wish there was something that I could've done, I wish he was still here. My brother and Kim had text me, but I didn't text them back. I didn't want to talk to anyone at this moment. What do you do when this happens, especially to someone who you were in love with? I watched the slideshow for the 10th time and then I looked back at the urn. This was the last time I would ever be in the same room as him. God, I hated this. Some please just wake me up. I got up and went outside. I sat in the backseat of our fire department's pickup truck. I grabbed a water from the bin and just sat there. The door open with me sitting on the seat facing outward.

I closed my eyes just to breathe for a few minutes and stop the tears. When I opened my eyes, I saw Pete walking toward me. "Mickie, are you okay?" he asked. I nodded. "Come on, I've known you since you were little, do you really think that I believe that?" he asked and I shook my head. "Come on, talk to me." He smiled. I could see the pain in his eyes. "I'm so sorry that this happened. I'm so sorry." I cried. "I know, I am too. But this is not your fault. He loved you more than anything. He was happy with you." "I was happy with him too. I loved him so much and I just don't understand. I thought that he was doing better." "So, did I. But I don't even know why. Nothing was ever said. We'll never know why and I think that's the hardest part." "Yeah, I know it. He and I weren't even together for that long and to love him as much as I do, I just don't get it. The stories that I heard today, made me realize that I knew the New York him, but I didn't know this him, and I wish I did." "You knew him. You can know someone without knowing their full past, because when you meet them that may not be who they are anymore. And in this case it's true. You knew his personality, and you knew who he was. Am I right?" "Yeah, you always are. He loved you, and you were a good father to him. Just like you're a good father to all of your kids. He was a good kid, and I'm so happy that I had the chance to know him and love him." "You're a good girl Mickie. You'll go far. Just take things one day at a time, that's what I'm doing." "I will. Thanks Pete." I hugged him.

We went back inside and I sat with my boys. "You okay?" Ky asked. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just had to get some air for a few minutes." I smiled. "It's going to be okay. We're here." Jet smiled to me. I felt a little better. "I know you guys are. You're my brothers and I couldn't ask for better ones. You know, I never realized how strong the brotherhood actually was until today. We all came together to honor our brother, and we didn't even know these people and they welcome us full heartedly. It's a really amazing thing." I sighed. "I saw it when my dad died. Everyone who came out for him was amazing. The Two mile long funeral procession that we had, it honored him in the greatest way possible." Jet knew exactly what I was talking about. "It's like the truck show in Ucca a few days ago. At the end, all of the trucks turn on their light and sirens and to hear every one of those trucks together is breathtaking. I'm proud to be a firefighter, not only because of the adrenaline rush with every call, but the family that comes along with it." "Everyone take their drink and raise it." Kyle held his cup up. Jet handed me the one he had gotten for me and we all held up our cups. "To Greg," Kyle smiled. "To Greg." Jet joined. "Godspeed." John sighed. "Farewell brother." Jake smiled. "Rest easy, we'll take it from here." I joined and we drank.

When we were leaving, we said goodbye to the family. Sara hugged me tightly one last time and then Pete did. "Thanks for coming." Pete smiled to all of us. "Anytime, we'll see you at home." Papa shook his hand. The youngest two, Ashley and Cam were sitting alone. I went over and hugged them. "Call me if you need anything, both of you." I smiled. "Thanks Mickie." Ashley put on a smiled. "Bye Mickie." Cam held on again for a few minutes. "I'll see you two at home. Hang in there." I sighed. It was really hard to walk out of that fire house. It was actually one of the hardest things I've ever done, leaving him for the last time. I stopped before the door way. "Come on. You're okay." Jet held my right hand. "We've got you." Kyle held my left hand and we walked out.

I was watching out the window as we left Virginia. And honestly I was hoping never to go back. I was quiet for a while in the backseat with Kyle and John. I had the window behind the driver and Kyle was in the middle. "What are you thinking Mickie?" Jet asked. He always used to ask me that when we were dating. "I am the phoenix, I burn in the fire, but I will rise from my own ashes. I'm going to be fine. Still I rise. So, let's get back to Clarksville and let's kick some ass, because I'm not done yet." "That's my girl." Ky smiled. "Long live the phoenix." Jet laughed, "I have a long road ahead of me, and it's going to get bumpy and crazy." "Hey, when have we ever backed away from crazy?" Jet looked back at me. "Never, we are crazy. You have to be crazy to run inside a burning building when everyone else is running out." John laughed. "Bring it on Mick, we've got this." Ky hugged me and I smiled.