I'm not okay. (Percy Jackson fanfic)

Chapter 15

It had been a month since Percy had died. The Poseidon cabin had been cleaned and closed up, Percy's stuff staying exactly how he had left it. The entire camp had been quiet and in a mood. No one was able to quite understand what had happened. 

Annabeth was by far the worst. She had shut herself down, not speaking to anyone. She had to be dragged out of bed every morning to breakfast by her siblings every morning. Then she would just sulk around camp, usually finding herself on the beach or the docs. They had already had Percy's funeral and what an emotional event that was.

The Athena kids had come together and made an elaborate and beautiful tapestry that was laid over Percy's body. A few words were said before the pyre that he was laying on was set on fire. Brilliant sea-green and gold flames engulfed his body and the tapestry, and eventually, nothing remained of Percy but a hint of his salt-water smell. 

During the whole ceremony, Annabeth had been waiting for Percy to wake up and say "just kidding!" or to come from absolutely nowhere, showing he was alive like he had when he was with Calypso. But that never happened. And it never would. 

She would never again see his signature lop-sided grin, never smell his salty scent, or feel protected in his strong arms. She would never get to say goodbye. 

Annabeth now found herself sitting on the docs. She had a hoodie that Percy had given her from his old swim team and was sitting with her feet in the water. In her hands, she held an envelope that contained Percy's letter he had written before he died. She had never been able to bring herself to read it but now, on the one-month anniversary, her feelings of sadness were beginning to be replaced with those of anger. 

She was furious. She wanted to know why he had done it. Why he had just blinked out of existence. Why he didn't reach out. Annabeth was angry with Percy, the gods, the world, and most importantly, she was angry with herself. 

Annabeth kicked the water, sending it rippling. She looked at the letter in her hand before carefully opening the envelope. As soon as Annabeth saw Percy's messy writing she teared up but quickly wiped her eyes so as to not mess up the paper. She took a deep breath and began to read.

'Dear Wise Girl,
by the time you read this, I will be long gone. Gods, I sound like someone out of a movie or something. Sorry, I'm getting off track. Look, I'm really sorry, Annabeth. I hope you won't hate me too much. I'm really sorry about this. Even as I write this letter I find myself doubting my decision. But I know this has to happen. 

I've been lying for a very long time. Putting on an act you could say. The truth is, which I'm sure you've realized by now, I'm not okay. If I'm being honest, I don't think I've ever been, There's been too much that has happened, too much trauma, too many people I've lost. And now I'm adding one more to your list. And for that, I can never say how sorry I am. 

There's this voice in my head. It tells me things, bad things. Makes me think horrible thoughts. Heh, maybe that's the real reason why I'm doing this. I know I should have told you, or Will, or Chiron, or anyone really but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to burden any of you with my issues. Guess maybe I should've. Too late for that, I suppose.

My Annabeth. my beautiful, kind, amazing, strong, fierce Wise Girl. I love you more than words could describe. I have since I first laid eyes on you when we were 12 and so innocent to the true dangers that lay before us. Please, please take care of yourself. Just because I'm gone from the world doesn't mean that I'm gone from you. I never will be. Don't do anything rash and don't become desperate to bring me back like Nico once was. 

Take care of my mom, okay? Paul and Estelle too. And let them take care of you. You know my mom already sees you as her own. And take care of the camp and the rest of the seven. Don't let what we've built as a family fall apart. And most importantly, Annabeth. Take care of yourself. This is the hardest battle you'll ever face but I know that you can beat it like you have so many before. 

Alright, now that I've got that out, guess I'd better seal this up nice and safe for you. Wouldn't want anything to happen to this. I think it's the longest thing I've written. Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood. Alright, here we go. Don't mourn for too long, got it? But maybe just a little. 

I love you Annabeth. Never forget that, okay? I'll see you in Elysium my love. My beautiful, amazing Wise Girl.

All my love forever more,

Percy'

Annabeth covered her mouth as she sobbed softly, tears slipping down her cheeks. Annabeth folded the letter and hugged it to her chest, crying softly. Eventually, Nico, Will, Jason, Piper, Leo, Frank, Hazel, and Reyna came over. They looked at one another before hugging Annabeth. They all broke down right then and there, mourning for their friend, their cousin, their boyfriend, and their leader. Although it felt like nothing could ever get better, somehow, someway, they knew it eventually would.

Annabeth put the letter back in the envelope and put it into the pocket of the hoodie and hugged back, leaning into her family. Annabeth looked out at the water as the setting sun shone and glistened off of it. She watched as fish swam around under the surface and dolphins lept in and out of the water far out into the ocean. Annabeth managed a small, watery smile.

"I love you too, Seaweed Brain."