Deceiving Destiny

Chapter 19: Esmeralda Turning into a Gargoyle of Her Past

Chapter 19: Esmeralda Turning into a Gargoyle of Her Past

Being alone with your thoughts sucks, it makes you think of things you would've forever choose to turn a blind eye to- suffocating you, making you believe of what you would've normally tried to suppress, feeding on what remains of your low self-esteem. My mind was filled with nothing but Blake's words, I'll get over it. I'm not the one you need. You're clearly not thinking straight. I was too stunned to react anymore, too broken and confused inside out. He let me be, not once uttering a single word. If not for the constant click the gearshift's making, I would've believed that he left me alone.

You've been completely delusional Maddie, just because you finally admit you love him doesn't mean he feels the same way. He grew tired of you, like everybody else did. I tried to argue back with my conscience but my consciousness was slowly slipping away, pulling me deeper.

He doesn't love you, no one else does. The constant hum in the background was steadily stealing me away, my eyelids getting heavier every second.

He finally gave up on you like what he should've done a long time ago. Blake's leaving you again, he'll let you rot in this forsaken town alone- you'll be like your father. I embraced the darkness as it pulled me, the image of my mother rocking her self to sleep haunting my dreams. What have I done?

***

"Oh honey, is she alright?" Voices. I could hear voices speaking in the background, they were coming above me, sounding vaguely familiar. I tried to open my eyes but the minty scent enveloping me hindered me from doing so, I refused to get out of my cocoon, I want to stay like this forever.

"She's a little bit drunk, a little unstable but alright. She downed eleven cans of beer to be exact, I don't know what the hell she's thinking. She could've hurt herself. I-" The anguished voice stopped and I find myself wishing he hadn't, I wanted to hear him again.

"She refused to go back at her house and even if she insisted, I wouldn't let her. The fucker has already done enough damage, just a little more and I would've completely lost her. He should be thankful I was too worried about her to go inside and plow his stupid fucking-

"Honey, enough of that. Maddie needs us, come inside, let's get her cleaned. I'll call Tyler, the poor boy must've been worried sick."

"Don't worry about it mother, I'll take care of him. Just please take care of her, I'll be back. I'm sorry for imposing."

"Nonsense, you're my son and she's like a daughter to me, she's always welcome in my house." The voices turned mellow, stopping me from hearing anymore. I tried to crane my neck to hear better but my body was too heavy to move, I wanted to protest when the warmth that was holding me was no more but I couldn't do a single thing. I remained immobile and confused when darkness swallowed me once again.

***

The first thing that came to mind was that I wasn't drinking anymore but it held little conviction. Running away from my problems seemed to be my forte and to finally have a means to do just that, I'm not sure I could just give up on drinking. I couldn't remember why I hated booze in the first place, it has been my constant refuge- something that made me forget, something that made me feel okay.

My head felt like being plowed by a ten wheeler truck but I gladly embraced it, this was just little compared to the numbness the alcohol made me feel a couple of hours ago.

The second thing I thought of, that had my stomach curled in knots, was Where is Blake? I'm all alone at a vintage-y room which looked eerily familiar the more I tried to focus on the details and the more the fogginess in my head thinned out. I took in the 60's cabinet at my side and the low light bathing the room and as my consciousness continuously cleared, I tried to scramble upright and make my self decent enough just before the door in my room clicked open.

"Cassandra..." Her azure eyes twinkled in delight as she took me in, her auburn hair pinned elegantly on top of her head. The doctor's coat I remembered she always wore above her casual clothes wasn't there, replaced by a dirty white chiffon apron.

"Oh honey, I'm so glad you're here." Cassandra pushed open the door all the way and caged me in her tight embrace, her familiar sweet scent filling my nostrils- she smelt like cupcakes, like she always does. I stood awkwardly as she patted me at the back, her grip on me tightening even more as I hear her sniffle. "I thought I'll never see you again. You used to stay here all the time and pull pranks on those naughty boys but ever since they- Nevermind. I'm just glad you're here."

"Me too." I whispered after a moment of silence.

Cassandra pushed me at arm's length and pinched my cheeks, her carefree smile never leaving her face. She tucked the loose curls behind my ears, exactly what her son always does, and a pang of longing and regret filled me.

"He was so worried when you went missing," she started, her gentle smile saying she knew what I was thinking. "I got an earful from that child, demanding me to call his father and know where you're dad resided. He kept on pacing downstairs, cursing to no one in particular. It was a little funny and refreshing to see him act that way, life has always been good to Blake- he easily gets what he wants without even asking for it. I used to be afraid that he'll grow arrogant and pompous one point in his life but you're there to make him grounded. Just wait for him honey, he'll eventually come around."

I tried to open my mouth to say something along the lines of, 'I have a boyfriend and you shouldn't be happy that I was technically two-timing your son and just be angry with me' but the swarm of butterflies cascading inside my tummy overwhelmed me. I didn't know Blake feels that strongly about me and I find myself smiling at the gesture, I really love the guy.

**

Just a little more craning and I believe that I'll sprain my neck. As it turns out, Blake gone missing shortly after dropping me at his parent's home. Cassandra assured me that he had to take care of something and that he'll be back and although I smiled and told her I know, the annoying voice inside my head told me something else- Blake ran away since he couldn't stand the sight of me.

"...Joshua's on his way. He said he couldn't wait to see you again. Oh honey, please don't let this be the last time you visit?"

"I won't." Cassandra beamed and resumed kneading the dough. I felt guilty for not paying enough attention to what she's been saying but her son constantly popped inside my head, rendering my mind dysfunctional to everything else. I was worried about him and I was secretly hoping that Cassandra's right, that he did not just ditch me here alone and that he'll be back.

"Could you knead this for me just a sec honey? I'll just check on the oven."

"As long as you wouldn't give me lethal injection when I turn this one to a complete disaster then I'm up."

Cassandra chuckled at my attempt at humour and we worked in silence for a while. The rich aroma of the oreo truffles filled my nostrils as we talked about random things while waiting for the cookies to pan out, the topic usually revolved around the hard-headed patients she'd have and how she sometimes just want to strangle them for complaining about even the littlest of things when they clearly disregarded her advise. She reminds me of my mom in a way, Amanda loves baking cookies and we used to have these light talks before but I ruined that. I wonder if I'll ever have the chance of fixing the things I've broken.

My head snapped in attention when I heard an engine pulled at the curb, the way my body's reacting royally crazy told me it was Blake. I didn't know how to react around him, how his rejection would affect our blurred relationship but it doesn't matter- I just need to see him and maybe just maybe, everything that happened between us was all but a dream.

The front door opened and I find myself treading towards the entrance, excited to see him. Happiness turned to dread when I saw who he's with- the blonde girl at my mother's exhibition, happily touching his forearm the way I should have.

Blake's pitch black eyes looked over at me, relief, joy, neutrality, passing on each dark orbs. He recollected himself and with a curt nod introduced me to the blonde girl I'm slowly disliking by the second, "Madielyn, meet Erica."