Sweet Family Of War - Book 7

The Truth Hurts

LENA  POV

"I feel ashamed. It's why I left early this morning, why I came in the back door tonight,  and why I stayed at work longer. I couldn't face you or our children. I couldn't look you in the face, Lena. I couldn't look Callie or Frankie or Corey or Jude in the face either. Knowing that I messed up, and knowing that I...that I hurt them  and you last night. I just couldn't."

"You didn't hurt them, and you didn't hurt me, love. We had an argument. I was wrong, too," I say holding her hand as we are now back in the bedroom on the end of our bed with the door closed. "You did what needed to be done. And you keep the kinds in life and always have. It's, I have a hard time doing it that way but if you weren't here they would run wild. They would run all over me."" I sooth rubbing her fingers as I felt so bad right now and my heart was breaking into pieces.

No, not because of our stupid fight but because my wife, this woman, who was holding my hand and my heart, was falling apart. And this was something I was not used to seeing. Usually it was me, it had been me the last few months, and I didn't notice what was happening at all because Stef was so good at taking care of all of us and being the rock that I unconsciously took advantage of that, forgetting her feelings.

"Lena, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I should be the one to leave, not you.  Me baby."  She says hoarsely as I shake my head and look over at her.

"Stef, don't talk that way. Neither of us should leave, ever." I gently cup her cheek trying to get her to look at me. But she won't and that breaks my heart. "Look at me. Please."

"I can't, babe."

"You can. I looked at you when I was at my lowest. When I was in that  mental hospital. Remember?" I hear her crying at the memory as her eyes finally look into mine and I wipe her tears. "Remember, when I didn't want to see you, and you came. You were there, for me. I was so embarrassed and felt so much shame, but you came. You showed me so much love."

"I remember, baby. And I loved you, and wanted you to be okay so badly." She whispers as I continue to wipe her tears.

"Shhhh, my love. That's how I feel. That's exactly how I feel in terms of you right now, honey. I'm not angry with you at all, and I know how scary it must be to tell me you drank. I'd be scared to tell you if I gambled."

"You don't need to be, babe. I'd help you."

"I know you would and I'd help you too. Stef, I am so sorry I shut down last night. I'm sorry I was so upset you kicked the kids out. I'm sorry I didn't communicate about Frankie and the extent of our fight. Can you forgive me?" I manage as she nods and sniffles.

"Yes. Always. But now I...Tess said she'd take me to a meeting in the morning, and I promise I'm getting a sponsor. I...I didn't listen to Mike, and now look at me."

"Come to bed, baby," I whisper as she nods and we both climb under the covers. I pull her into my arms as she nuzzles into my neck.

"I love you," she whimpers as I rub her back up and down, my heart hurting so much right now. I know I need to tell her about Jenna, but now doesn't seem like the right time at all. I can't add to her stress. I'll wait until I see she has a sponsor and is doing better. I know that I can deal with that heifer any day of the week as long as I had Stef to come home to.

"And me too. Me too baby, and I'll take you to that meeting. I can do that."

"No, you don't have to, love. Tess said she would. Plus, I don't want to add more to your plate," Stef says softly as she wipes her eyes and looks into mine. I nod as I play with her hair, my heart hurting more than ever. Right now I feel as if our life is a giant mess, and I wonder if it'll ever get better.