Sweet Family Of War - Book 7

Promises (Part Two)

LENA POV

"Here, sit right here,  please," I motion to Frankie to take a seat as Stef and I had decided to  take the kids out to breakfast at a diner not far from Gary and Marty's  to talk to them.

Stef and I both of course were on the same page in terms of wanting the best for these kids and each other, and we were hoping to God this retreat would allow us to heal. Maybe we needed some kind of miracle to make ourselves work other than when we were sleeping together, for that's all it feels like these days: communication only when we had sex.

Yes last night we had gotten carried away after I went looking for her, and we had well we had been intimate, and I found myself not being able to push her away no matter how angry I was with her. It wasn't easy by any means to feel like I had this constant switch that was continuing to go off and on with her for one minute I wanted to smack her for what she did and the next I was opening my legs for her. We needed to be more than that, and she wanted me to forgive her, and I was trying. Daily.

For the most part, this trip had been nice considering we were able to hang out with the kids and enjoy each other's company. But, Stef had been having a very hard time because it just seemed she kept getting hit with this. From Sharon spilling things about her brother, to Julius and his big mouth, another fight with Frankie. Honestly, I was nervous she would drink again and last night I wondered if she had taken a sip of the booze before I came into the shed. And had she if I had not found her? I didn't smell it on her, yet I feel my mind playing tricks on me in that regard.

Of course I had gone to Frankie last night, and once more  pulled her out of bed before telling her that under no circumstances  would she speak to her mother like that again in life, for Sharon had  told me what she heard from her bedroom upstairs considering the two of them were very loud. Surprisingly, Frankie didn't  fight me, but had cried the entire time before I excused her to go to  bed. Both she and Stef could really go at it, but in the same token my daughter really did adore her, and their interactions could be really sweet at times despite what flew out of her mouth when she was emotional.

It is known she holds grudges much like me, and I see so much  of myself in this child it's unreal as she refuses to look in Stef's  direction and she begrudgingly sits beside me and sips her water as Callie sits beside me smiling. I smile at Jude who is playing with one of Stef's bracelets on her wrists as he sits next to her and Corey who chugs his orange juice. All in all as I look around at all our children it seemed as if at times they were all holding their breath and waiting for the other shoe to drop in terms of me and Stef's unstable marriage.

"Thank you for taking us here, Mamas," Callie says happily as she opens her menu, and Frankie snorts and opens hers as well.

"No problem, loves," I say as my eyes meet Stef's for despite what had happened and despite being intimate, after we had had a really good night together.

"You want pancakes, baby?" I hear her ask Jude as he continues to play with her bracelet.

"Yes," he says softly as I smile at him and Stef kisses the top of his head as she looks at me winking.

Even if at times I hated how she disciplined our children she had been good for them and was always there for them. It was one of the things I loved about her, her loyalty to our children and to Jude who wasn't even hers. But she never treated Frankie and Corey like they weren't hers and right now I'm still trying so hard to forget why I'm mad at her, I really am trying my  damnedest, because she was so damn fragile last night, which I knew she hated being, and showing that side to me had never been easy for her.

It just had not and maybe I am feeling optimistic about this retreat even if I know  it'll be hard. Hard to face some of the shit that hurt me to my core,  leaving me breathless if I thought about it, and I just refuse to do  that right now as I hear Stef beginning to order as our waitress had  come to take it.