Sweet Family Of War - Book 7

The Morning After

STEF POV

As I had just gotten home from work I'm fully exhausted and I knew more than anything that I would need to call George today. Yesterday I had messed up completely more than I ever knew as I'm still sitting in my car not wanting to go in just yet.

My life felt so lonely right now, and I missed Lena. God, did I miss her, for I felt I was losing control of myself, my feelings and everything. Right now, I just wanted to hit the bottle so damn much. I wanted to last night and I almost did but my kids stopped me. No, they didn't know but after seeing Corey playing with Jude and hearing Jude talking, even if it was a couple of words, I cried. I cried so heavily and after talking to Frankie after she calmed down, my poor girl was so scared. She really was and I had to really fucking understand that.

Hitting the bottle was just so easy for me. Easier then staying away and I was feeling so fucking foolish for yesterday. I knew I acted emotionally with Tess by kissing her and she made me see that and I was just a fucking mess. What the fuck was wrong with me? Because this was not a way to get my marriage back. It wasn't.

FLASHBACK

Pulling away from me now Tess looks right into my eyes as I stare deep into hers.

"What love?" I ask as she shakes her head.

"Stef, you love Lena. I know you do and your heart always belonged to her. Even when you and I were together you ached for her. I knew that, Stef. And if we do this there is no coming back and I won't do that to you. I know you're vulnerable right now and feeling badly about yourself. I love you too, honey, I do, and you are my best friend still, my daughter LOVES you to death. You are everything to her. Literally, everything." Tess says as tears fall down my face and I shake my head as I pull away, my heart shattered, for I know that she is right.

"I'm sorry...I...I lost myself for a minute and I..fuck I'm embarrassed. Tess, I..."

"No, listen I get it. Okay? I get it. You're sober, you're dealing with your marriage, trying to save it, and I know you're emotional. It's a lot. But I should have been strong back on that base like I am trying to be now. I knew how much you loved Lena then, and I know it now. I just know that...that, I can't take advantage of you...of our friendship. I...I love you too much."

"I love her, and I miss her so much, Tess. I don't know what to do. I've never felt this helpless or useless or...it's easier to drink than deal with this shit." I cry as she rubs my back.

"It's not." She says cupping my cheek. "No, it's not because you need to feel it. And we all need you. Frankie,Corey, Callie, Jude, me, Julius, Stefanie and Lena. Believe me, she is lost as hell and you two can fix this. Let me pay for a trip or something and we can watch all the kids. Stef, please, don't blame yourself, okay? It's on both of us. We got caught in the moment, and..."

"I'm sorry, Tess." She leans in and kisses my cheek.

"It's okay. It is. And it will be okay, honey. It will." She says as she pulls me in for a hug and I cry the hardest I ever have on her shoulder and she holds me for what feels like hours until I fall asleep.

FLASHBACK ENDS

Tess was a good friend, she always had been and I felt terrible for what I did to her last night. I felt like a jerk no matter how much she said she understood as I get out of the car and head inside my home noticing once again how good it smells. Putting my bag down I head into the kitchen to see the table set and filled with pancakes, eggs and bacon as my mother takes more biscuits out of the oven.

"Why do you work nights, Stefanie?" She pries as I head right to the coffee machine. "It's horrible for your body."

"Where are the babies?" I look around, confused as hell as I don't see or hear Julius anywhere.