Different Paths

18. "Everything Fucking Sucks."

I close the door behind me, then lock the door. I place my minimal amount of belongings in the chair that's in my vicinity. I sit on one of the beds then I let myself collapse on the bed head first. A sigh gets exhaled from my lungs and I close my eyes. To find some peace. Some quiet.

I'm just tired. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I'm tired. I'm tired of my past coming back to bite me in the ass. I'm tired of being emotionally used. Of being physically used. I'm done. Finito. Whatever other words that mean 'done'.

I should probably shower. A nice, hot one.

I take my clothes off and neatly fold them. I don't have a change of clothes, so I'm just going to have to wear them to bed. I open the door to the small bathroom. I head over to the shower and turn it on. I wait for about two minutes and put my hand under the running water. It's warm enough, I guess. I look around the bathroom to find some shampoo, conditioner, body wash, etc.

Once I do, I put it in the shower then get myself into the shower. It's not as hot as I'd like, but then again it is the cheapest motel. I can't expect everything to be the top of the line. I let myself sit down in the shower and hug my knees. I began to cry. I began to cry because I can't hold everything in anymore. I cry, not because I want to, but because I need to.

This sucks. Everything fucking sucks. I'm sure I'll get a call from Aaron about how I wasn't allowed to sleep in a different place and that it's against the rules of our agreement. Tonight I don't care. I do not care. To Hell with the fucking rules. I need my alone time. I need to be alone. I don't want to deal with Derek. Not right now. I'm gonna have to face him eventually. I can't run away from him forever. Even though I wish I could.

I get up and begin to wash myself. Once I'm finished, I grab a towel and wrap it around body. I gently squeeze out the excess water from my hair into the shower. I dry myself off as best as possible and put my clothes back on. I head into the bathroom to see if there's a comb or a hairbrush I can use. I eventually find a comb that's wrapped in plastic packaging.

I tear open the plastic packaging then run the comb through my hair, detangling it in the process. Once I'm done combing and parting my hair, I leave the bathroom and sit back down on one of the beds.

It's way too early to go to sleep. At this point, I couldn't care less. I grab my phone and press the "Do Not Disturb" button. No notifications can come though. All notifications will be grouped into one tab. I place my phone on the bedside table then turn all the lights off. I get under the covers then shut my eyes, awaiting whatever dream I'll be seeing soon.

~

I had woken up to the sunlight shining through the blinds. I grab my phone and look at the screen. I press the "Do Not Disturb" tab and look through the various notifications. And then I see the amount of messages that Derek left me.

Y/N where are you?? You should've been home hours ago. Why is your DND on??

Y/N.

Y/N if you don't answer, I'm either calling Penelope to track you down or I'm calling Hotch.

Y/N, come on. We need to talk.

Come home, Y/N.

There's about what seems like a million more messages that basically contain the same thing. I'm sick of him saying the same thing over and over again, but not acting on his words. Actions will always speak louder than words. It's a cheesy saying, but it's true.