Unlovable

17: Calm Before My Volcano Erupts

I wrapped my arm across his bare chest, tracing circles on it and wrapping my leg around his as he lay on his back.

"How're you feeling now?" He asked. We lay in his childhood bedroom, his walls had posters of basketball legends and an entire wall was covered in trophies. His room was pretty big.

"Sorry for the change of plans."

"Don't worry about it, my mom loves guests." Abel smiled, turning to face me now and wrapping his arm around my back.

"She seems really sweet." I added, recalling moments ago when we had arrived at his parents house and his mom welcomed us with open arms and smiles. She was beautiful, her hazel eyes matching the shape of Abel's eyes. It made me wonder what his dad looked like; probably as beautiful as these two were.

"So how about your mom?" Abel asked as I smiled at him. He had a playful grin on his face as he played with my hair.

"She died giving birth to me," I said, "I've never met her."

"I'm sorry," Abel said, not looking surprised, but furrowing his brows, "you said before that you were named after her, right?" I was slightly shocked that he had remembered such a minute detail from when we had first met. It felt like ages ago, but it had hardly been two months.

I nodded, a smile on my face. "You're so cute." I said, sighing.

It was nearly two in the morning now.

"Thanks," Abel grinned, kissing my forehead. This felt so comfortable, I didn't want this feeling to go away.

"So where's papa Abel?" I asked, curiously.

"Probably asleep. I don't think he heard us. He wouldn't have heard us anyway either." Abel chuckled as I looked at him inquisitively.

"Why's that?"

"My dad is deaf." Abel said proudly as I lay there not knowing how to react. This was the first time we had actually talked about Abel's family and I was shocked to find out all this information. It made me wonder why he had decided to move into the fraternity if his parents were living nearby, alive and well.

"So, does that mean you know sign language?" I asked as he nodded.

"Yeah," he said, his eyes staring into mine as I smiled at him.

"That's cool, all I know how to sign is my name." I grinned as he smiled at me and moved his hands from his head and did a bunch of different hand motions.

"What's you say?" I asked.

"I said that I think you're the most down-to-Earth person I've ever met."

I smiled, leaning forward and pressing a kiss on his cheek. I proceeded to sign my name in response and he laughed.

We fell asleep soon after, happy to be surrounded by each other's presence in the room that was completely Abel-scented.

I woke up in a cold sweat, looking at the time on the digital clock on the nightstand beside his bed.

4:16 am. I had only slept for two hours and kept getting vicious nightmares where Claire and Bianca would chase me down and choke me.

I sat up, looking at Abel as his chest moved up and down slowly. His shut eyes moving back and forth indicated that he was dreaming. I wondered what he dreamed about. I rested my head back on the pillow as I stared at the ceiling. He had little glow-in-the-dark stickers of stars and planets that I hadn't noticed before. I smiled, he was too wholesome, so cute, and an absolute cinnamon roll.

I wondered how he felt about the fact that I was the second girl he'd ever slept with. I wondered how he felt about his breakup with Claire almost two months ago. I wondered why he didn't like being home when it felt like a castle in his house. I wondered a lot about the handsome man beside me who slept silently.

It took me a minute to realize that it was already Friday and I didn't necessarily have any important classes today. I could skip if I wanted to. All that was due today was a paper assignment that I had already turned in a week ago. I really had nothing to do, I wondered what Abel's plans were for today.

My mind threw me back into the moment where I was leaving the police station and Claire and Bianca caught up to me. The panic, the fear. And the threats.

"Stay away from Abel. Push him away. Do whatever you have to do to make sure he is alone. Simple right?" Bianca had said.

Make sure he is alone. Why would she ever want anybody to be alone. Loneliness is torture in itself.

"And don't tell Abel about this, or this whole deal is off and we will tell everybody."

It wasn't much of a deal. We will keep your secret if we can take away your happiness for it. That was essentially the trade-off that I had no choice in making.

I rubbed my temples, returning my attention to Abel as he remained asleep. He stirred slightly, wrapping his arm around my waist as he continued to breath slowly.

If I told him what happened with my dad, what truly happened, then either way I would lose him.

Maybe it was all for the best. I would need to come up with a plan to push him away.

We had done it before, for a whole month, in fact. It wouldn't be impossible to avoid each other again.

But the thing was... this time was completely different. While I still hadn't even gotten the chance to ask him why he ditched me for a month after kissing me the night before we had dinner and last saw each other, this time we had slept with each other. We had shared certain emotions with each other and I wasn't sure if I could handle everything ending so suddenly.

Undeniably, I knew Abel was absolutely perfect. He was kind, caring, smart, inquisitive, genuine, and all the good things that could be characteristic of the kind heart he held.

I couldn't sleep. My mind was vomiting these thoughts at me as I wondered what would happen if people found out.

"June?" Abel muttered, I looked at him in the dim light that only came from the full moon through the dark-blue curtain.

"Hmm?" I asked, looking at him and realizing his eyes were still closed.

"You're my favorite person." He said as I continued to smile at him. I wondered if he was awake, but then he turned on his side and faced the other direction. 

I stayed awake the remainder of the night.

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