Unlovable

6: Lonely Hugs at Strange Hours

"Don't stop..." I whispered as my body convulsed in pleasure. Kevin was certainly an experienced fella. We lay beside each other now, heaving as he smiled at me.

"Thank you," he breathed heavily beside me as he looked at me, "you're so beautiful."

For whatever reason, even though I had gotten exactly what I wanted, I felt unfulfilled and completely disappointed in myself.

I may beside him for a couple more moments, breathing heavily as I turned to face him. His sheets smelled freshly washed.

"This was fun. But would you mind driving me back to the dorms?" I asked as he leaned over and faced me.

"Of course, I just assumed you wanted to sleep over." He chuckled gently as he placed his hand on my bare arm.

"I forgot I had homework due tomorrow," I lied, "we can go in a little bit if you don't want to go now." I said as he shook his head.

"I can drop you off now. Thanks for... you know." He stood up and put his boxers on.

"Right back at you." I stood up, slipping the little black dress on as he led me out of his apartment bedroom. He lived fairly close to campus in an expensive apartment building, meaning that Kevin was probably super rich or in a lot of debt.

"You know Kev," I said, getting into the passenger seat, "you seem like a really sweet guy. Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"I don't think I'm a commitment kind of guy, June." He looked at me as he pressed the button to start his car. He backed out of the parking garage and began driving toward the dorms, "how about you, why no boyfriend?"

I sighed, "honestly, I think it's because I don't understand my own emotions enough to know if I like somebody. But I do know I really enjoyed tonight; I'd be down if you hit me up again and wanted to hook up some time." I said bluntly as his cheeks turned bright pink. I guess he wasn't used to it. Whatever.

"Yeah, absolutely. I had a good time too. Maybe next time, you'll let me take you out to dinner first." He chuckled as I shook my head, lost in my own thoughts as he continued driving.

"Yeah." I looked at him, he was blonde with brown eyes and he was honestly kind of scrawny. He kind of reminded me of my ex-boyfriend, perhaps my ex just had the title of boyfriend, but honesty he was just an exclusive fuck buddy all throughout high school. That's probably why I couldn't love him. I still couldn't get Claire's words out of my mind. I had been with my ex for years, yet why didn't I love him. Should I have loved him?

"We're here." He smiled after a few minutes of silence.

"Thanks Kev, drive back safely okay." I smiled as he nodded, dropping me off and then driving away.

I took a deep breath, my mind was foggy with everything that had been happening lately. And I missed my father more than anything today. I shut my eyes; remnants of my memories slipping in as a line of tears gathered. It was ice cold now, practically midnight, and I was shivering as I approached the steps of my dorm building. I quickly swiped my card, shaking violently as the door beeped and let me in. I quietly walked over to the elevator, recalling memories of last night when Abel had been here with me. He provided so much comfort to me with just his presence. I just wanted to hug him and feel a little less lonely.

The elevator buzzed.

"First Floor." The mechanical female voice of the elevator said as the doors opened slowly and I stepped inside. I stood alone in silence as the elevator moved.

"Fourth Floor." The doors opened as I stepped out, turning into my hallway and toward room 412. I sighed, swiping my card and putting in the key code as the door unlocked.