Yiikmas for the Dumbasses Who Inhabit the Yiik World

Chapter 4: I Found Out That The Geico Lizard Is British a Few Nights Ago

The footprints reached a dead end. Everyone looked around, trying to spot anything that would help them find Rory. "Do we just, keep going?" Chondra wondered

"Wait a minute," Vella said. "Claudio. Check to see if there's something there that could help us."

"You got it." Claudio confidently said. He began to carefully dig in the snow. It didn't take long for him to find something that he wish he could've unseen. He tried to get up, but stumbled backwards onto the ground. His falling led to everyone getting a look at what he saw.

Rory's probably deceased corpse was found in the snow with his head separated from his body. He was placed in a relaxed position, as if he were in a coffin.

Alex screamed. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" He did the famous pose due to his genuine shock.

"Rory is dead you ginger dumb-fuck." Michael reminded him calmly.

"✨ I know just what do, darlings. ✨" Essentia 2000 told them with glamour. She did some weird dimension hopping thing. When she came back, she had a dead Sherlock Holmes with her. Everybody simply stared at her. "✨ This man is going to help us solve this devilish mystery. ✨"

"Essentia, sweetheart, I think that he's gone to the heavens with the angels." Alex's mom politely told her. Essentia 2000 stared at her with a confused robot expression.

"Probably a cocaine overdose." Claudio announced.

Chondra sighed. "We'll give him a nice burial when we finish with Rory."

"We should report this to the police." Vella recommended. "I'm not really in the mood to potentially die a horrible death."

Everyone turned to stare at the tiny ankle biter. "No." They all said unanimously.

"We need to find a better way to solve this mystery." Michael mused.

Alex suddenly had a bizarre idea. "Essentia 2000! What if you got another Rory to take this one's place? Maybe he could help us!"

"✨ Darling oh so dear to me. ✨" Essentia began. "✨ You were dropped on the head as a baby. ✨"
Before anybody could interject, Essentia did her weird dimension hopping thing. It took her almost no time for her to find a new Rory.

The new Rory looked almost exactly like the old Rory, but somehow creepier. This Rory wore all white.

"What kind of Rory are you supposed to be?" Alex asked him curiously. "You know, with your weird clothes."

"I'm in a sect you fuckass." Cultist Rory told him. "This is for religious purposes."

"Woaaah buddy, easy on that." Vella tried to diffuse the situation.

Cultist Rory felt a little bad. "Sorry. It's just that I was supposed to be participating in a mass ascension, and I'm really confused right now."

"We get it, Cultist Rory. Just listen to Essentia's exposition." Chondra said this without a care in the world.

Cultist Rory was about to argue his moniker when Essentia 2000 made him listen to her ten minute rock opera about the meaning of life. It was a very bizarre and awkward ten minutes. At least it bothered with all of that icky exposition that I didn't feel like writing.

"So, Cultist Rory, will you help us avenge Rory?" Michael asked him while pointing a pistol in the latter's chest. "You don't really have a choice in the matter."

Cultist Rory shrugged and tried to lift Rory's probably dead body, not realizing that the head wasn't attached. The rest of the gang quickly joined in his efforts and easily carried his body inside. They forgot his head, but Michael went to retrieve it.

When all of Rory's parts were together on the living room table, the rest of the gang sat around the room.

"So," Alex began. "Where do we start?"