Dear Denki (Kirikami)

love & loneliness

Kaminari POV

I wonder if I'll ever know what it's like to be in love.

At the moment, all signs point to no.

Now that it's February again, I'm faced with my yearly reminder of the same sad truth: another year down without me finding any success in the love department. It wasn't so bad last year since most of my classmates were in the same boat. But a lot of them have entered relationships since then or are coupling up to spend Valentine's Day together this year.

Currently, Hanta Sero is on one knee in the middle of the common room of our dormitory, a bouquet of roses in his hands. Mina Ashido flashes him a surprised smile as the rest of the girls in our class squeal from behind her.

"Mina," he says, "will you be my date for Valentine's Day?"

Mina jumps in excitement and accepts the roses. When Sero stands up she throws her arms around him, still jumping. "Yes! Oh, I'm so happy!"

The rest of the girls scream again, apart from Kyouka Jirou since that's not really her style. All the boys in the common room offer a round of applause for support. Well, except for Katsuki Bakugou, of course.

"Tch. Why are you idiots treating this like some damn proposal? You're all a bunch of saps."

The two of us are sitting on the couch with Eijiro Kirishima between us. Kirishima, or Kiri, as I like to call him, is my best friend from class 2-A. Sporting that toothy grin I've become all too familiar with, he puts a hand on Bakugou's shoulder.

"Don't worry, man. Your time will come."

"I'm not worried," Bakugou mumbles.

Kiri takes his hand off Bakugou's shoulder and turns to me. My face must reflect how I'm feeling because he smiles and ruffles my hair. "Your time will come too, Denki. Until then, at least you have me."

I lean my head against his shoulder. Kiri always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. It's true, while I hate being single, at least I'm never truly alone. Not when I have someone like him to call a friend.

A smile tugs at my lips as I watch Sero and Mina celebrate their date plans. Even though I wish I had a date myself for Valentine's Day, I'm still really happy for my friends. Especially Sero. He's had a crush on Mina since last year and the two of them have grown especially close over the last few months.

With the two of them coupled up, now half the girls in our class have official dates for Valentine's Day. Of course, Jirou and Momo Yaoyorozu will be spending it with each other. I still cringe thinking about when I asked Jirou out earlier this year only to find out they've been secretly dating since we first started at UA. I'm happy for them. I'm always happy for my friends when they find someone that makes them happy.

But I still can't help but wonder, will it ever be my turn?

It's hard not to take it personally. Anyone I've ever asked out I've been rejected by, for one reason or another. The more time that passes without me finding someone that's willing to give me a chance, the more I think that there must be something wrong with me. Maybe if I were smarter or had a better body. I look at the other guys in my class and it's no wonder why I get turned down all the time. Why would someone want me when I'm so lackluster compared to them?

I mean, I'm pretty sure even the single guys in my class at least have had their first kiss by now, except for Mineta at least. I know Kiri's never had his first kiss either, but Kiri's the type to be single by choice. I'm the opposite. No matter how often I put myself out there, I always come up short. I've never even been on a date. I like to think I'd be a good boyfriend, but obviously no one else agrees with me.

Not wanting to ruin the mood, I excuse myself from the common room and head back to my room. Once inside, I slam the door shut and collapse on my bed, drowning in my own self pity. I snuggle my shark plushie that Kiri won for me at the arcade over the summer.

There's a soft knock at my door but I'm too upset to leave my bed. Whoever it is takes it upon themselves to come in anyway and I soon hear Kiri's voice in the background.

"You okay, man?"

It's only now that I realize I'm crying. I let out a sniffle before shaking my head no into my pillow.

Immediately after, I feel him climb in beside me. His hand reaches my shoulder and he flips me around so we're face to face. He wipes away a stray tear on my cheek so I don't have to.

"Come on," he says. "I know how badly you want to find love, but I meant what I said. Your time will come, I know it. You just have to be patient."

"Doubt it," I mumble. "Who would want to waste their time with a worthless idiot like me?"

He flashes a heartfelt smile. Though, now that I think of it, all of Kiri's smiles are heartfelt. There's something about him that just radiates positivity at all times. I think that's why I like being around him so much. It's hard not to gravitate toward someone who's always uplifting the people around him.

"Denki," he says, "you're not worthless. You've got one of the flashiest quirks in our class! Plus, you're a lot of fun to be around. You're always making people laugh."

"They only laugh at me because they think I'm dumb."

"That's not true. At least, it isn't in my case." He rubs my arm to soothe me. One thing I appreciate about Kiri is he's never afraid to show affection to his friends, especially when they need it. "You're my best friend. I laugh when I'm with you because you've got a great sense of humor. And if I'm able to see that, I'm sure someone else will see it too. One day."

I nod and give a shy smile. "Thanks, E. If you don't mind though, I kind of want to be alone right now."

"Sure thing." He wraps me in a tight hug. "Just remember, I'm here if you need me."

"I know."

Kiri slips out of my bed and leaves my room, but not before directing that trademark smile of his toward me one last time. When he's gone, I flip onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

I want to believe he's right. I still have my doubts, but if someone as awesome as Kiri sees something good in me then surely someone else can, right? Gosh, I hope so. In a world with billions of people, there must be someone who's willing to give me a chance. Not just give me a chance, but love me exactly as I am.

Hey, for all I know, it may be someone I've already met.