Headcanons, Imagines And Oneshots

when all i used to think about was

i remember when i first read fanfiction, it was of teddy lupin and victoire weasley, and i remember how i didn't even realise what it was, and sat in childlike wonder, eyes wide and sparkling, reading about quiet chrsitmases and gentle hugs, with soft laughter, messy hair and the aura of love emitting from the influx of words crawling their way into my soul, and i sat there, completely enthralled in this new world i had just taken the smallest step into.

and i remember i sat, curled up under blankets upon blankets, with a warm mug of tea and a biscuit clutched in my pudgy fists, and read about these beautiful people with their beautiful stories. and i remember, back then, it was so beautiful to me. how i would sit for hours at the family laptop, reading away, teeth nibbling away at lips in fascination, how i never had to worry about the exam i should be studying for, or the homework i had to do.

i simply existed, and marvelled at this whole new world, where i could do anything and everything. where who i was and who i used to be didn't matter, because all i could feel was the sweet taste of acceptance, sliding it's way into my heart, softly as the heat does on a cold winter day. the ever-so-delicate press of a kiss on my forehead, love embedded in every touch.

and i look back now, shrouded in memories of things i should not know of, and things i should not have seen. and oh how the nightmares, trauma and shivers of endless fear tug at me, itching to pull me back into circles and spirals of self hatred and hurt, of self destruction.

but now, staring at these words a younger, innocent version of myself had written, i feel untouchable. i feel as though a tendril of hope has entered my being, a tendril just now, but something that could become bigger, something that could become brighter. something.

i look at my younger self, curious eyes staring back at me, bright and full of life, and i stare back, desperation and hurt painting over the dull skin. i stare and i ponder.

have i failed this little girl? surely, i must have, she had hoped for the sun, the stars, and all that comes with, but alas, i had not given her anything yet. but i stare and i ponder. could i give her what she dreamed of? is there still some of that determined spirit left in me? i hope there is.

so i continue fighting for this little girl, this little girl who had hopes and dreams, and i fight, so she may one day have the chance of achieving these.

and sometimes, i feel as though i could make it.

the picture is me. please don't like, share or anything. idk. i might take this down because i didn't really want to do a face reveal but it felt a little bit bare. im not sure.

also please note that this picture was taken right now, it's midnight, i should be asleep, but i'm revising for an exam tomorrow that i know nothing about, so i'm veering precariously on the edge of a mental breakdown.

I also turned my laptop off for this, that's real dedication

i wrote this right now, it's midnight, please don't be horrible but constructive criticism and your opinions are welcome. i didn't really write this to read, just to get my emotions out.

english isn't my first language.

also, did i look like what you thought? what did you think i would look like?

what are your favourite foods?

all the love xxx

this one is from when we went to avimore in the summer hols this year, back when my hair ends were still pink, speaking of which, I need to dye them again.

I've gone blue, red and pink. Hannah keeps trying to convince me to go green so I can look 'evil' (bc according to her, black and green are the evil colours)

What colours do you think I should go for? It's either dying it again, or chopping it off. I would love to chop all my hair off, and it took me so long to convince my mum I didn't care if it looked bad, but she says if I chop then I can't bleach it again. So yeah.

Should I chop? Or should I dye it?

proper ta-ta now! gotta get back to revision. remember to always be yourself and to punch a dickhead in the face <333