Rex the Period and Silence

#12.3 The Hesitating Feet

"Hello," Billy sits in front of me. We are meeting up at the café one hour before the training. I am used to waiting at the library or maybe go right away to the swimming pool, some people say my life is so boring because swimming pool, library, and my studio room is my life cycle but now I can boast around that my life is no longer as narrow as that. We should have just met at the library but Billy text me that he has something to tell me. "What are you buying?"

"Honey muffin, do you want it too?" I stand up.

"I'll go," he goes to the cashier and comes back. "Do you wanna make the tower today?" he asks abruptly. "Why? Do you have a time?"

"I have nothing to do anyway," that's what he says but it looks like he needs someone to talk to.

"You have nothing to do? Prisca seems like she has no time to date." My bad, the word slips from my mouth. "I mean she's busy that seems like__."

"That's fine," he giggles. "I ate lunch with her today, she is doing another project. I am not participating in that competition," reassuringly he doesn't take my word personally. "I worry about her." Prisca always loves to participate in any kind of competition that ends up wearying herself. "Don't worry, she can take care of herself," even if she doesn't, James will. "Let's do it at your place. Can we?" ask me.

"Why?"

"When I think about it, shouldn't I am the one who goes to your place and not the vice versa? I want to see your studio too." After gives it some thought, Billy answers, "Sure." We are parting and promise to meet again at 8.30 P.M.

Frankly, I hesitantly step into the swimming pool, I am afraid to see him, it's kind of funny because it was completely not my fault but I act like he was the one who was hurt. After all these useless anxieties, he doesn't show up. As if he is erased from this world, I haven't seen him lately. I didn't even catch sight of him in the canteen. Does she cage him? Is he sick? Why would I want to know? Why should I ask? It's not like his absence turns the whole world into the ice age. The flower is growing and the sun still appears; after the hot summer, the rain still pouring down, nothing changes. It's not like I am responsible for his absence. I can still break my record even when he is not around. Just stop questioning his nonattendance.

Three hours later, I go out of the swimming pool and check my phone.

James : Have you done? May asked me whether you want to sleepover at our house this weekend.

Sleepover? Why does the word 'sleep over' keep showing up, recently? And why does he is the one who texts me and not May? And why should I be curious about it? Isn't normal for a father to deliver a mother's request? What else do I expect?

Me : All of sudden? Why? Are your parents coming?

James doesn't replay me. What's wrong with me lately? Why do I keep suspecting him? Stop it, he is nothing but my 'brother'. I turn my music on and plug my ears with the earphone. The journey is so colorful as the music keeps decorating the boring road. It is good that I am alone and I don't need to behave good, I can do lip sync as big as I want and dance like the happiest person in the world. I can treat this alley as my own stage. I was the most contented person until someone I've waited and I've rejected shows up in the dark alley.

"Hi," he awkwardly greets me. I nod as the way to greet him back and continuing my step without bothering him. "Sil," I turn my back after I heard my name. "Can we talk?" Don't you think we have too many 'we need to talk' between us? What else should we talk about? Can you ensure that your dear girlfriend will not show up and grab my hair when the conversation is processing? "If you want to say sorry about what happened on her behalf, you don't have to, she should be the one who says that," I say.