My Reason to Live

Chapter 12

When I see the first sign for Oxford University, I wonder if Jade's grandpa lives near here.

But when she pulls onto campus, I know that's not the case.

She's come here first for me.

Tears push at my eyes. I have to take a few calming breaths before I speak, "You came here." My words come out quieter than I intended. I bring my eyes to her.

She presses her lips together before casting a glance at me. "Was that the wrong thing to do?"

No, it was the right thing to do.

Everything you do is right.

I need now more than ever to remember my parents...my brother, and my sister. I need to remember why I'm letting myself die.

Because, sometimes, with Jade...it doesn't seem so clear anymore.

"It..." My throat thickens on the word. I pause and take a breath. "It was the right thing. Thank you."

The smile that touches her lips is beautiful. And it hurts me.

It hurts even more when she says, "Don't thank me. I know, coming here...it's important to you. That makes it important to me."

My brain is screaming to me that I have to stop this—whatever this is that's happening with Jade—before it goes any further.

But the selfish part of me...my heart...doesn't care.

My heart wants to be with her for every single moment I have before it's time for me to go.

My heart wins out.

I'm not usually selfish...well, not since my selfish acts caused the loss of my family.

Maybe my heart is just stronger now because my brain is sick. It's making me weak.

I can only hope that my selfishness doesn't hurt Jade.

"We're good for as much time as you need here," she says to me.

"Your grandpa isn't expecting you?"

"I'll text him and let him know that we're running a little behind schedule."

"You told your grandpa I was coming?"

"I called him while you were in the shower." She glances at me and smiles. "He's looking forward to meeting you."

"I'm looking forward to meeting him, too." I smile.

Jade navigates the car, following the signs for the English Faculty Library. When we reach the building, she slows the car to a stop and parks up on the street outside of it.

"The university is probably pretty much closed up for the summer," she says, turning off the engine.

Then, she pulls her cell out of her pocket and starts tapping. I'm assuming she's texting her grandpa.

She continues, still texting, "But I'm sure there are some summer classes, so if we're lucky, the doors might be open, and we can have a look around. Then, we can check out the politics department where your mom would have studied. Maybe have a walk around the grounds. How does that sound?" She puts her cell back in her pocket and looks at me.

I press my lips together. Emotions are choking me. I clear my throat. "Sounds perfect." Like you.

Jade opens her door and climbs out of the car. I follow suit. Leaving my handbag behind, I meet Jade at the front of the car. She locks it using the key fob.

Then, she puts her hand out for mine. I place my palm against hers. Jade threads her fingers through mine, and the riot of emotions I was feeling calm at her touch.