Beige Hearts

twenty six - XXVI

I was slumped into a plastic chair on a balcony. It was truly an incredible view to look up from my project and face the Eiffel Tower, lit up in the colors of frances flag. It was freezingly cold but I was determined to finish my stitching. I carefully copied was I saw before me into the silky lilac fabric.

Thoughts were circling slowly around my head as every stitch reminded me of the love I used to know twelve years ago.

Things changed after Emmas early death. I moved to my father who lived Yokohama and shut out everything that reminded me of her even in the slightest. One of those things being Takashi and all of my other friends. He and Kazutora were the only ones that I told that I was leaving. I changed my number a few days later and deleted all my social media accounts so no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't contact me. I cut off everyone and everything without another word. There was only one who'd had any possible means of contacting me and that was Kazutora.

Aside from him, no one could reach me, no one knew what was going on. I just ran away. Once I had moved to Yokohama, I started overworking myself. I took on several part time jobs next to school so I'd never have a moment to myself. Always either working or studying. I never wanted to give myself the liberty to think, and still, at nights when I tried to get rest, no matter how exhausted I was, I was still awake for hours until early into the morning. I had tried many things over the years, a lot of tricks to get myself to fall asleep but nothing worked. At times it felt like that was the price I payed for having left and not having helped Emma. I often felt incredible guilt for not having been able to do anything for Emma when she died. I used to tell myself that I was useless. That I did that first aid course for nothing if I couldn't actually do anything when it counted. When I grew older, I realized that I couldn't have possibly helped the situation. There wasn't much to do but to stop the bleeding and bring her to a nearby hospital but it didn't stop me from never giving me a second to myself.

I earned money, finished school with high marks, took on a well paying job and continued to overwork myself. I didn't want to give myself an excuse to think. Seven years later I took all the money I had, put a bit to the side and went traveling. I traveled around the world. Every place I could think of and I stitched. I stitched unique landmarks of every country I saw in the jacket.

Now here I was, at the end of my tour. Ending it in Paris, the city of love. The one Emma wanted to see the most. I tiredly smiled to myself as I finished the last stitch. Every centimetre of the lavender jacket was covered by a Landmark from every country. An incredibly detailed work with worse and better stitches, something that took me twelve years to finish. I calmly made sure it was safe and tight before I severed the string that I had just pulled through the fabric.

As I set the cloth aside, my phone started ringing and I bent over to grab it from the table and answer it. Three years ago, I would've probably left it ringing. Now not anymore. I looked at the caller ID 'Kazu'. Kazutora was the only one whom I left my phone number. I'm not sure why I did it, I think I just wanted a back button, just in case, and thought that if, then I'll give it to someone who can't easily communicate, since he was in prison.

"Hello" I answered the call. "Hi (Y/n)" Kazutora said. "What's up?" I asked. "You're at end station now huh?" the edges of my mouth curled up slightly. "Yeah... I don't know what to do with myself now" I explained. "You can come work in the pet shop part time just like me, I'm sure Chifuyu would be happy about some more company" I shook my head lightly "No, I don't think I'm going to work in a pet shop but thanks. I think.. I might do something else in particular but I'm not sure yet" I eyed the jacket that was folded on the table. "I'm going back to Japan now. I don't have anywhere else to go" I looked up in the sky. Stars were shining brightly in the dark sky. I wondered if Emma was one of those stars.