Tu Me Manques

A second nature doodle

"Yaz,
sweet brilliant yaz, I wish I could tell you that I'm in space prison. Don't laugh, i'm not lyin' i wouldn't lie to you about that. i hope it's just been a few days i've been gone

todays day 2,759 or so i started tallying a little bit after but times a bit wibbly wobbly here. i've been begging for a while for the guards to bring a pen and parchment because i've got to entertain myself somehow right? i've gone through the harry potter series, lord of the rings series backwards and forwards about 213 times. i can only talk to myself, to the dead and the living for a while before it gets tiring or i simmer too much in bad feelings. (i suppose you could call this a diary but i haven't written in a diary in this body but i did when my wife and i kept meeting in the wrong time. oh yaz you would've loved her) and you're wondering why im being so candid all of a sudden its because these letters will never reach you. i know i'll have to force myself to move on as you have. i hate that the most. but first i have these words for you (i think?) and they're pounding away in this old time lord brain and i have to let them out somehow it's driving me mad even more than this place. maybe i've got some disease but everything seems in place, hearts good, spleen...somewhat good, but my brain it's all fuzzy and blurry. that's new. this is definitely a scientific experiment then seeing if writing helps alleviate that weird pressure and fog.

anyways can i tell you about my day? well it's not like you're here to refuse or groan but i could tell you about this prison and how everyone here seems to be someone i've faced. the weeping angel i named Angela, she's quite a laugh. there's the oods bonnie and clyd, lovely couple. theres this creature i seem to always forget but it's nagging in my head because i have a tally mark on my hand it's familiar. this is like what you humans call a personal hell! ive been to hell though, not quite as scary as they make it seem turns out to be a massive fiery bloke chained up all powerless. but it's been a variety of the same day. either i had dreams retelling my old memories or the angry haunting nightmares of my regrets and guilt or just nothing.i dont really like the latter. now you're thinking to yourself, doctor, you don't sleep that often you know different biology. and you're absolutely right yaz, gold star for you! but how else am i supposed to pass time here! aside from newly founded writing which has been brilliant by the way. this is like all the things i wish i could tell you but i can't. or rather im scared of. you yaz make me terrified. i could face dalek and cybermens and all the enemies i've faced but you're by far the scariest. and i think i like that about you.

i've been spending time looking out my only window, grateful i have that i've got it, i have to make the most of it and i see the star constellation always mapping them as i make shapes with them. wondering and imaging stories about them as i plan out my next adventures when i get out of here. but mainly im think of my mum. see my mum used to tell me after my pet died when i was small that the stars twinkling were twinkling for me, that that very star was my loved one and when i missed them all i had to do was look up and there was my loved one winking back at me, watching over me and of course they're not really my loved one because stars are actually hunks of hydrogen and helium but it becomes hope. as im writing this looking out the window with my eyes full of the stars and the cosmos and the beautiful colors there are. i think of all my loved ones as stars- my people of gallifrey, the extraordinary people i've met on my travels like rose, clara, river, the ponds, bill- all of them are a little star and every time i look up there they are guiding me. but i'd like to add that the living are there too. So here I am looking for your star and I found one. It's small but so bright just like you- it's across the sunflower galaxy, yes that's it's real name. You know my friend Amy once had a painting of sunflower in her honor painted by vincent van gogh. I've met him. He's a nice person with a brilliant mind. Have you seen his works? the next time i see you we're going to an art museum on the planet Chanides you'd love it they're all immersive they come to life too. I can already picture it!

my food is here. It's very unpleasant. It tastes like a slitheen's foot, not that i've smelled or tasted their foot (i most certainly wouldn't like to either) but my point being is that it's terrible. It's kind of clever how it functions; it just appears through molecular transportation. i should add that on the tardis on demand custard creams that would be brilliant. You know I really miss them so much and sometimes if I concentrate enough I'm able to taste them and it makes me ache. ache for better times.

I feel at times I should move on like you probably are right now. you know when you really like someone you pick and choose what you like and you ignore the parts you don't like. I wonder if you do that about me or do you only see the parts you don't like and you only see what the effect of having me is. you like the effect but you don't like what's causing that effect. I feel like that's how you feel about me. I shouldn't think too hard about it. Anyways, I have to go on my mandatory daily walk. I'll tell Bonnie and clyde and all my new friends that you said hello. try not to worry about me okay? I'm mainly worried about you. anyways i think that'll do unless you want to hear about the time i almost got capital punishment for snogging the queen's daughter of Krexepal. It's actually a funny story i guess i'll save it for next time. I do feel some pressure alleviating and it's comforting seeing these words on paper it makes them less tantalizing in my head. I hope you're well and I truly truly miss you, with all my hearts.
-the doctor"

The doctor begins to doodle something in gallifreyan it takes them a second to realize what they wrote aimlessly and begins to attempt to erase it out but realizes she's been writing with a pen and just leaves it there, shocked then confused as to why she even wrote that and why it felt like second nature and so...right. she sighs and begins the same walk she's been doing. after the walk she lays down and begins to will her body to sleep as she dreams of a city with a burnt orange sky with twin suns and vast mountain ranges with fields of deep red grass, capped with snow- her hand intertwined with a girl wearing space buns.