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𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝟓: 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐒 . 𝐈𝐈𝐈 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚..
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ✦: Read the whole chapter first before reading the notes at the bottom. The notes will explain the meanings of some words/quotes.
𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀 𝐏𝐎𝐕:
I think you only discover someone once in your life who has the potential to radically improve your life. You tell them things you've never revealed anybody else, and they listen intently and want to understand more. You discuss about your ambitions for the future, your fantasies that will never come true, your unmet objectives, and the countless tragedies that life has thrown your way. You can't wait to tell them about anything astounding that happens because you know they'll be as enthusiastic as you are. They aren't ashamed to mourn with you when you're in misery or chortle with you when you make a complete fool of yourself. They never hurt your feelings or make you feel unworthy; instead, they encourage you and show you the qualities that make you unique and even desirable. There is no such thing as an intrinsic expiration date when it comes to love. We don't know how to bring it back to life, therefore it perishes. As a result of its myopia, errors, and disappointments, it rots away. Fatigue, witherings, and tarnishings, — as well as disease and wounds, cause it to die.
It took me a long time to grasp that, while everyone craves love, I can't give it to everyone who seeks. I am capable of loving certain relationships and not others. To operate differently, to issue loan agreements that I will not be able to keep, is to jeopardize my own and the individual in need's honesty. Everything has been done in the name of love. I'm never sure if I loved Xiao or not. Love is a strong word, and I use it all the time, whether it's for or against me. Is it true that I am capable of falling in love? What do they think I'm going to do now, after everything I've done? Should God be pitying me for permitting me to freely give male affection? I'm always doubting myself, convinced that I'm insufficient. I'm not sure how else to define Xiao's vigor. I'm at a loss for words to convey Xiao's tenacity. There are so many things I want to say, but they all become jumbled up in my head.
I'm sure the whole Port Mafia is aware of my sentiments for the other male, but I'm not sure why no one asserts anything about it. Normally, guards would communicate in undertones, but there was not a single word from them. The atmosphere intensifies while I'm alongside Xiao, as everything and everyone gets motionless. I used to assume it was because of my uncontrollable feelings for Xiao why everything was happening. — But it was I who did it.
"Xiao!"
As I waved, the individual came to a halt and spun around to face me, providing me a modest nod. I derailed towards him, draping my arms around his shoulders. He didn't appear to be uncomfortable, and he didn't say anything about it, so I kept doing what I was doing. My cheeks were slightly smoldering from anticipation as his eyes searched through mine. Xiao was used to delving into people's eyes since it helped him detect their emotions or what they required from him. I grew used to it, but I couldn't stop myself from stammering.
"Is there something wrong, Tachihara-Kun?"
I shook free of my entrapment. My arms lingered on him as I steadily shook my head negative.
"No, it's not true. To be honest, I just wanted to say hello—what are you up to now?"
As Xiao hummed in meditation, I inquired.
"I recently completed an undertaking assigned by Nakahara-San."
I was amused by his remark; he appeared perplexed. Even outside of the organization, Xiao has a habit of using a lot of formality. It doesn't bother me, but it's getting old. Despite the fact that we've known one other for a long time, he never drops it.
"Has something gone wrong?"
No, I said with a shake of my head.
"No, no, no. Everything is in good condition. Do you have a few minutes to spare, please?"
Xiao nodded while holding his hips and shut his eyes.
"I believe I have some time until my next excursion."
I smiled.
"Great, the sun is setting, and I figured watching it set would be a nice peaceful way to conclude the day."
As he waited for me to show him the way, Xiao nodded slowly.
A great glob of sun hovered on the horizon before leaking over and evaporating, and the heavens was vivid over the point where it had vanished, and a shredded cloud hung over the spot where it had progressed. And from the highest part, evening stole over the sky, and shadow crawled over the landscape. Scattered showers was serene and enchanting. It was almost as if the environment was compelling me to make a decision.
We both sat in a nearby park, which was neither packed nor deserted. While their parents tried to capture them, several children roamed about giggling. Swings that continued to move after being utilized. We sat on the parched grass, facing the horizon, myself and Xiao. Even though the sun was slowly sinking, we continued to stare at it. We lingered a little longer than normal. Many people came and went; each child cried out, wanting to play more; many citizens wanted to flee and rest for the night. With only the two of us at the field, we were alone, and we needed each other's comfort. In this case, "we" does not exist. It was only I who needed it.
"Do you feel much more at ease now?"
I became somewhat alarmed when I heard Xiao's voice. I never anticipated him to speak in such a hushed situation. I swung back to face him, little perplexed by his abrupt reply. He didn't look at me; instead, he focused out the frame at the panorama in front of us.
"Exactly what do you mean?"
As I proceeded to gawk at the male, I mused. As his hair flowed against the pleasant stream, the wind picked up. His pupils were the same hue as the sky on a photo you get when someone loves you but never enough to dwell with you. What is it about him that makes me feel so unnerved? Maybe it's because of his astounding beauty and grace? Isn't it remarkable how vibrant his eyes are when he looks at the scenery.
"You have something on your mind, don't you—Tachihara-Kun?"
Xiao hasn't turned his sight back to me yet. As I consented, I sighed. Knowing that he had witnessed my conduct. My eyes were securely clenched as I grasped the hem of my shirt. He was well aware of what he was doing, and rather than addressing me about it, he wanted me to confess it. His eyes had irritated me. They acted as though they were someone else's property. Someone is keeping an eye on you. I used to adore him, and I still do. I opened my heart to him. I give him a piece of myself that no one else has, and I let him into a part of me that only he has the potential to abuse.
"Say what you're considering."
I sighed again, but that was my penultimate sigh. As I adjusted my body to face the sun, I held my breath. The finest word to describe the sun is tranquil. The planet has a chance to breathe in and revitalize as the sun sets beyond the horizon, producing lovely tones of red and orange across the sky. While sunsets mark the end of a day, they've also come to represent calm, harmony, and the promise of fresh beginnings. As I finally spoke, a faint grin appeared on my face.
"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?"
Silence was created into the atmosphere.
"Yes, it is— my Itoshii.."
𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: - "The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" = It means the way someone explains to other participate that "I love you, but I'm letting you go." Just some romantic phase to tell.
