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𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝟓: 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐒 . 𝐈𝐈𝐕 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙨, 𝙄 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙙
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ✦: Sorry for not posting for a very long time. I have no excuses. Two Slow Dancers by Mitski will be written in this chapter. Mention of self harm is called out. This chapter is not proofread.
𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐕:
Am I human? I certainly have the body of one, though I don't feel like one. My body feels as if it doesn't belong as my own, it's acting as if it's breaking out. Changing my body just so I could fit in like everyone else, is truly a work of art. The amount of times I continuously changed at such rapid speed is incredibly disturbing. Shapeshifting into people's ideals. No matter how many times, or how many people. I still do as I have been told so I can meet up to their expectation. Once I've been used and thrown out, I end up with a different version of myself. It's so different, to the point that I don't even know me. Who am I? Who was I? I don't even know who I am anymore. Changing myself continuously, created a simulation for me to not recognize myself. Mirrors displayed reflection of the object in front of it, yet I don't see myself. I instead see someone else. Someone else who used to be ideal in their eyes, now just an uncompleted project.
Venti is not the same as Barbatos, though he isn't much better. I can't think for myself, so I ask others to answer in their view. What they describe me as, isn't really an answer. They never answer. They leave, unanswered. Venti had a much different response from Barbatos.
"You're beautifully disgusting"
The words linger in my head, yet I have no thoughts about it. I rarely think about it since I don't understand the meaning. I want to ask what it means, but what comes out of my mouth is nothing. I end up gawking at the person and soon enough, I shut my mouth.
"What does it mean when someone describes you with two polar opposite words?"
The atmosphere was cold yet so warm. I broke the silence as I stare into the fire. Here I was, with another male. We were in the lounge after a long mission. Legs crossed facing the fireplace. The figure beside me held his hat in his hands while gripping onto his bottle of wine.
"What are the words?"
"Beautiful and Disgusting."
Chuuya hummed while frowning. He did not move, but rather stayed silent. It seems as if he too did not know the answer. I sighed as I shut my eyes, to rest. The movement was heard a few minutes of silence. The soft material of fabric-covered my sore body while footsteps stray further away.
"What a distasteful man that bard is."
Someone poked my cheeks as I did not open my eyes. I let them continue to distract me as I kept on thinking. Silence was created as the motion of the fingers tapping me continued. I couldn't think so I opened my eyes to face the one and only bard. Such a shame.
