Let Love In

1

Take a deep breath.

Let it go.

Everything will be okay.

Frank repeats this over and over, his eyes closed, just as he's waking up. He had the same nightmare again.

No, it wasn't a nightmare.

It was his brain playing that trick again, replaying that awful memory.

Though it felt real. Just like being there again, seeing his life go by before his eyes, just before dying. Again.

He takes another deep breath, trying to avoid another panic attack before having to call his mom for help. he has to remind himself that he was almost forty, and living with his mom was embarrassing enough, he doesn't need her help for everything.

Fortunately, he also has Lois, his service dog, who immediately notices Frank getting agitated, and goes to help, lying on his chest until his breathing and heart rate are back to normal. 'I'm okay now, Lois,' he says, scratching behind her ear. 'It's over now.'

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

He repeats it again, trying to relax. Just breathe, he tells himself. There's nothing he hates more than waking up to a panic attack. Fortunately, Lois was there to help.

He checks the time. Five minutes 'til eight, which means it's time to get up.

Another day.

'Let's go for a walk.' Lois runs to the door immediately, Frank only a couple steps behind, not completely awake.

They have the same routine every day. Going for a walk, Frank getting his coffee while his mom cooks something for him. It has taken him a lot of hard work to have a relatively normal life, having to learn to do everything again, and if that takes a routine, he has no problem with it. He even became a vegetarian and runs every morning.

'How did you sleep?' his mom asks behind him as he's serving himself a cup of coffee.

'Meh.' He thinks about telling him that it happened again, but he knows that she's going to get worried, and she'll tell him that he needs to see a therapist again, and that's the last thing he wants to hear right now.

'Everything okay?'

'Yeah, mom.'

'Are you taking your meds?' Frank nodded again. Fortunately enough, Linda had a lot to tell him about the night before, and going out with her friends from church, because Frank wasn't really in the mood.

But he's thankful for her being there, and the fact that she's helped him this whole time. 'Say hi to Bob for me,' she yells as Frank closes the door behind him.

His friend is already outside, waiting in his car. Frank misses driving, he misses having his own car, but he's not ready yet. And Bob offered himself to pick him up every day. 'It's nothing, and we work at the same place, so –' he had told Frank, who knows he's trying to take care of him, and even when he hates being treated as a child, he thanks him for it.

Sometimes he wonders how he got so lucky to meet him. It was only been a year since the incident, and Frank was still struggling. He had panic attacks all the time, and he wouldn't even leave the house. He couldn't get a job, and he felt as if everyone around him felt sorry for him. until a stranger at his cousin's wedding asked for a cigarette, and they ended up talking for hours. Bob had an even darker sense of humor than him, and he talked shit about the bride's dress, and how love didn't exist, which helped Frank feel a little less pathetic for crying at a wedding.