Heartless Love

CHAPTER 13:

"What did you say?" Mahinang tanong ko sa kanya.

Pero naka tingin lang siya sa akin ng diretso at hinawakan yung kamay ko. "Can you give me a chance to love you?" Seryosong tanong niya sa akin tapos dahan dahan ko binawi yung kamay ko sa kanya. "Kiel, It is not your responsibility to like me; it is mine." Tipid na sabi ko sa kanya. "I just want to build myself again, Can you wait me?" Tanong ko sa kanya agad naman siya ngumiti sa akin.

"As long you give me a chance" sagot niya sa akin.

"I'm terrified of falling in love, and the word "commitment" makes my heart turn. But I enjoyed being with you. I feel at ease when I'm with you, Kiel. Believe me when I say I'd risk everything for you, but my Trsut issues are far more powerful than mine." Tipid na sabi ko sa kanya. "I know you need to heal yourself first before we get in to a relationship but, i want to be with you when you heal yourself" tipid na sagot niya sa akin. "Let's go back to our dorm" Agad naman kami pumunta sa parking area pinagbukasan niya ako ng pintuan ng kotse niya. Buong byahe tahimik lang ako ng nakareceive ako ng message galing kay Viatrix

From: Viatrix

Re-schedule our dinner, Tomorrow 8pm we'll wait for you. See you

I immediately turn off my phone when i read his message. Habang nasa byahe kami kanina ko pa napapansin na si Kiel kanina pa tingin ng tingin sa akin. "Why are you staring at me? Tumingin ka nga sa daanan" sabi ko sa kanya. "Beatrice, what is the most challenge for you?" He asked from nowhere. "The most challenge for me is in trusting once more" tipid na sabi ko sa kanya.

"Why?" Tipid na tanong niya sa akin.

"Since my dad left my mom and i are begun of my trust issues and yun dinagdagan pa ng ex boyfriend ko na si felix they always saying they never left me, but they all did" mahinang sabi ko napatawa ako ng mapakla tuwing naalala ko lahat hindi ko alam kung anong reason ng pag hihiwalay ni mom and dad but i sense dad have third party that's why they broke up. "But Keep in mind that the right person will never get tired of you." Naka ngiting sabi niya sa akin. Simple ko naman siyang tinignan. "But Keep in mind that too that efforts are often preferable to commitments." Sagot ko sa kanya. "You want road trip?" Tanong niya sa akin agad naman ako tumango sa kanya. "Let me show you a place that you feel peaceful" naka ngiting sabi niya sa akin.

Minsan napapaisip ako years passed without my dad. Thru all the negligence, I have treated myself as if I were an immigrant in my own body. I've been so tired of about there value judgements that I've forgotten how to take care of myself; I've given up on happiness and become accustomed to sadness. and I keep blaming them for my suffering when, in reality, I let their words devour my system and turned myself into a morbid human being... I was never too patient or too kind. Instead, I was rash and unforgiving.

I had no idea that the most meaningful type of love is when you get to treat yourself well before treating others with compassion. that you should have forced yourself to experience home rather than abandonment... that I shouldn't have poured all my love into someone who isn't going to return it—not allowing myself to feel agony and despair—but I was at fault. I've made my life a living hell for myself, which is ironic because I despise the sensation.

I don't think many people around me realize how difficult I am on myself. How many days did my frustrations get to me, and how, more often than not, I just kept all the broken pieces inside my head and let them eat me from the inside? That is why the wordless voices will always hold a pure heart. Warm hugs and corny jokes to cheer me up. Those simple gestures, those beautiful people—they're the ones who hold my world together. And I know for a fact that even if I come out on top all of my other battles in life, these are the ones my heart will always remember.