Heartless Love

CHAPTER 19:

"I apologize, Kiel" mahinang sabi ko.

"Im really apologise" pag uulit ko sa kanya habang naka yakap sa kanya patalikod. Dahan dahan niya naman tinanggal yung earphone na nakalagay sa tenga niya at dahan dahan na siyang humarap sa akin na halatang namumugto yung mata niya.

"Why are you apolozing?" Tanong niya.

Habang naka harap siya sa akin, kitang kita ko ang namumugto niyang mata pero dahan dahan niya hinawakan yung kamay ko na naka yakap sa kanya. "I hurt you, i hurt you many times. Today Chris he invited me to his room i was wasted, suddenly i remember what i said to you that i know that words i hurt you. I hurt when i remember that its none of my business if you're with someone else"

"Why?!" Mahinang sabi niya.

"Im denial for my feelings, Kiel" mahinang sabi ko sa kanya. "You're not denial, Trice" sagot niya sa akin kaya napatingin naman ako sa kanya. "W-what do you mean?" Takang tanong ko sa kanya. "You're not denial, you're just protecting your heart for being hurt again" naka ngiting sabi niya sa akin. Dahan dahan kami umayos ng upo at madiin niya ako tinignan sa mata. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Takang tanong ko sa kanya. "Let's go, I'd like to show you something." Tipid niyang sabi agad niya naman ako hinila patayo. Papunta kami sa parking ng hawakan niya ng mahigpit yung kamay ko napatulala ako sa kamay namin dalawa.

"Are you alright?" Tanong ni Kiel sa akin.

Napalingon naman ako sa kanya at ngumiti. "Yes, dont mind me, where are we going?" Tanong ko sa kanya. Hindi siya sumagot kundi ngumiti lang siya sa akin. Buong byahe tahimik lang ako nag mamasid sa scenary, it was quiet place i feel rest and secured. Nang makarating kami sa isang lugar.

"We're already here" mahinang sabi niya.

Dahan dahan ko tinanggal yung seatbelt ko at tumingin sa palagid napaka tahimik ang ganda it was a quiet place. Dahan dahan niya binuksan yung pintuan at nilahad yung kamay niya sa akin at agad na ngumiti. Dumungaw ako sa paligid napaka ganda.

"Ang ganda" mahinang sabi ko.

"This is how I already spend my days. I live in a lovely setting. I sleep in a lovely bed. I eat delicious food. I like to take walks in beautiful places. I genuinely care about people. My mattress is filled with love at twilight because I am the only one in it. I cry easily, both to pain and pleasure, and I make no apologies for it. When I move outside during the morning, I am grateful for another day. It took me many years to get to this point in my life." Mahinang sabi niya.

Agad naman ako napalingon sa kanya. "You lived alone?" Tanong ko sa kanya. "Since i moved here, I lived independent" sagot niya sa akin agad ko binalik ang tingin ko sa mga tanawin.

"Do you realize how difficult it is to open your heart again after being used to high walls?" He asked.

"For me, It's like jumping into uncharted ocean with unidentified depths when you don't even know how to swim in the first place. You're excited to explore its vastness, but you're taking a step back because you're afraid of sinking with no one but yourself. Every day is a series of trials and errors in which you start questioning yourself unless you could do it. It's a battle between you and yourself: do you truly love the person, or do you simply miss the feeling of being cared for and loved? And it stinks that once you've learned to forgive, once you've learned to trust again, you'll have to go through the same agony all over again." Tipid na sabi niya.

"Malapit na mag pasko, saan ka mag papasko?" Tanong niya sa akin napa simangot naman ako ng maalala ko na nasa abroad si Victor that time "wag kana magtampo gagi, anong kulay ba gusto mong torotot sa newyear" natatawang sabi niya agad ko naman siya hinampas. "Para kang tanga" inis na sabi ko sa kanya.