Revenant

17| I've had Enough!

ROBERT KING'S POV

I don't know what happened to my daughter, but one thing is sure that she's concealing very drastic information, and the way she does it so effortlessly makes me wonder if it's something she had been practicing to perfection for quite some time.

At the same time, I wonder if my rationality does have any source of credibility or is it my brain playing another sick joke on me.

The fight between my hallucinations and reality is draining me, making me doubt and question everything. These hallucinations had always felt so real, from every emotion to every sense of torture they had put me through.

There are cracks in my soul that are only widening and the struggle to stay sane is driving me insane.

I'm on the brink of falling into an abyss of darkness that's slowly devouring me and with each passing second of darkness, I feel as if I'm getting cornered and locked in a far away place in my mind.

I need a drink.

I wanted to quench this thirst that had been leaving me trembling in sweats and chills.

I wanted to go far away from this pain, to forget about it all and feel the calm that comes with numbness and the instability that clouds my judgement.

Dad's drinking problem–

My daughter must be embarrassed of who I had become, that's why she doesn't want to stay here with her dad.

What she said was nothing far from the truth.

My addiction had left me ashamed and I couldn't even meet the eyes of my own children.

My worst nightmare became my truth, and I ended up becoming a person that I had always feared becoming; a terrible father.

After losing one of my children, I had forgotten my responsibilities to my others.

I failed them as a father!

And the revelation that Arabella was my daughter from Cora's sister is still something I'm having trouble comprehending.

I spoke with Elric Ivanov, and he gave me a little more information about Cora and Angelina, and it's all still very strange to me.

I still haven't talked to Arabella or, in fact, with any of my sons, not because I didn't want to, but because I was too ashamed and honestly I had no idea what to say or where and how to begin my apologies.

I should have been the one to keep my family together, I should have been there for my children, for my brother, who had also lost his son, but instead I became a coward.

I gave in to my sorrows and fell so deep into the pit of my misery that recovering now seems impossible.

I feel completely lost.

I'm a culprit to my children but most of all to my Alexander.

He had to assume responsibility for everyone.

He may believe I am not aware, but I recall him coming to my room when he thought I was too drunk or passed out, just to unload his emotions that must have been weighing on him, as he cried out the heaviness he had stored in his heart.

But he never complained about anything, he would silently cry his pain and after a while leave to resume the responsibilities he had put on hold.

I need to step up to my responsibilities but I don't think I can do any of that anymore.

I can't even keep myself sane for long, I can't even control my anxieties, I can't even bring myself back from my hallucinations that still keep coming back to haunt me.