The Journey

17. The Stag

Snape was just closing the buttons on his jacket when the Patronus came through his open window.  He looked at the Stag and knew that Harry had sent him.  Without even having to hear the words, he knew he was being called.  "I need you, please", said the thick voice of Harry.  He quickly alerted the Headmistress that he would not be at breakfast and possibly not even the classes.  She said it was fine, go and help Potter.

He arrived at where Harry was staying, took one look at the man in a sobbing heap on the floor, and clicked his tongue.  What hell had he put himself through to look this disheveled.  Stupid boy, he thought.  "Potter", he said.  "Potter, what have you done?", he asked.

Harry was a mess.  Forgiving Fudge had taken a lot out of him, more so than he wanted to believe or even would have guessed it would.  His hatred for the man was strong, and let it be said that although he would never like him, it didn't mean that he couldn't forgive him.  It just meant that forgiving him was so very damn hard.  Hence the tears and the shakes.  Snape did something that he never thought he would do for the second time.

He hugged Harry.  He wrapped his arms around him and told him that he was brave and please let's not forget stupid.  What the hell were you thinking.  Why didn't you tell me to go with you, you idiot Gryffindor?  All the while, Harry just kept shaking, and trembling, and when it seemed he was finished, he would start over.  He hadn't eaten in a while, he had been so focused on his journey, that food had become something trivial.  He had to push forward.  

"When last did you eat Potter?", came the sneer.  Harry just shrugged his shoulders, but stayed where he was, glad for the comfort.  "Get up.  I'll get food, you stay here", he said, helping Harry to the bed.  Harry lay down, curled into himself, so very grateful that he had someone to call.  He had been stupid going there on his own, but oh well.  What's done is done.

When Snape returned, Harry had somewhat calmed down so that they could enjoy their meal together.  He had shown Snape his memory of what had happened, and Snape was glad that Harry didn't stay longer than he had.  He had certainly blown Fudge away with his words, so much so that the man didn't answer.  Maybe it was a good thing.  After their food, Snape asked, "Feeling better?".

Harry nodded, and said thank you for coming.  Snape tilted his head in acceptance, and told him that if he really cared about others, slyly including Draco's name, then perhaps he should start taking better care of himself by eating at every mealtime?  Harry blushed at those words, and said he would do better from now on.  They spoke for the rest of the day, which slowly turned into night, and Harry asking how were his friends coping, Snape answered by saying, "They miss you.  All of them".

"I miss them too.  Be sure to tell them that Professor", he asked.  Snape said he would, but he had to get back, unless you want me to stay.  Harry smiled at the man who had supposedly hated him for so long, and shook his head.  "No, thank you.  I needed you and you were there.  I'll be fine now", came the reply.

After Snape had left, Harry had received a letter.  Taking it from the owl, he opened it and started to read, already feeling lighter.  There were instances where he smiled, and where he laughed out loud at the words written.  Silly Draco, he thought.  Always so sassy.  Perhaps, he thought, it was time to mention a few things in his reply.  And so he did.

Dear Draco

I can just picture you rolling your eyes.  Is it a Malfoy thing or a Slytherin thing.  Come to think of it, I've seen Pansy do it, so it must be a Slytherin thing.  

Us Gryffindors are prone to absolute fantastic behavior, so I (we) would never consider doing something so...snotty?

Most intelligent wizard?  Hahaha, vain much?

The first of many things - yes.  I don't exactly know how to tell you this, so I will just come right out and say it.  In fifth year, I started watching you.  Noticing you.  You probably hear this every day from so many people, but you are, in my eyes, beautiful.  

I don't want to offend you, I just want you to understand why you would always see me staring.  It's hard not to!  :)

I think if I looked too long into those eyes of yours, I would become lost.  I don't want you to feel uncomfortable by me telling you this, I just wanted to get it off my chest.  This among other things I wanted to tell you when we got back to Hogwarts, because carrying it for so long made my heart heavy.  But then, the letter came, and yeah, you know the rest.

Hence, my letters.  I figure why waste even more time, although I would absolutely love to tell you certain things in person.  

I'm not sure if Snape has told you what is going on.  If he has, well then that's ok.  If he hasn't, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.  I did ask him to take care of all of you, especially you Draco.  I know it's hard to understand, but I will explain everything when I get back, if you will give me a chance.  

Tell Ron, if he hurts one hair on your head, he'll have me to deal with.  And I'm serious.  Nobody is ever going to hurt you again, I won't allow it.  That is, if you'll let me.

Me saying - if you have a down day, look up - that I will leave you to figure out for yourself.  I can't tell you, it's a personal thing.  Trust me, one day when you hear those words out loud, you'll know exactly what to do ;)

Until then, keep smiling.  Give my love to everyone, I am almost home.

love

Harry 

He knew he had given a lot of himself in this letter, but he had to speed things along.  If he were to return to Hogwarts soon, he wanted Draco to know how he felt, and the sooner the better.  But what was his reaction going to be.  He hoped to all the gods listening, that he hadn't overstepped a boundary.  A Potter/Malfoy boundary.  Merlin help us all.  Can you imagine Draco holding up the letter and shouting out to the whole school what he had written?

But Harry didn't think like that.  And even if Draco did do that, that was on him.  He realized that with every time he forgave, he felt lighter.  Every time he accepted his feelings towards the blond man, he felt stronger.  Every time he was gifted forgiveness, he felt kinder.  Things were indeed going to change.  And soon.