The Journey

14. The Marble Tomb

Harry wondered what his friends would think if they knew where he was right now.  The importance of forgiving people their transgressions, in his opinion, had to be done in an order that was from the absolute worst to the not so bad, and so the next person on his list, even though he was gone, had to happen soon.

Albus Dumbledore.

Harry remembered how Hagrid had defended him to the Dursleys that night when he had gone to fetch him.  Saying nobody insults Albus Dumbledore in front of him, and from that moment on, Harry had felt a warmth move through his body without even meeting the man.  Then on the train, when he had opened his first chocolate frog.  The card was of his Headmaster.

Meeting him personally for the first time when he had gone back to visit The Mirror of Erised, they hadn't spoken for long, but he had a kindness surround him, the likes of which Harry had never been subjected to.  An extremely clever man, he thought with fond memories.

Then in second year when it had fallen on his shoulders to kill the basilisk, and save Ginny from the Chamber of Secrets, the Headmaster's words were calming, even thanking him for his loyalty.  "It is not our abilities that show what we truly are, it is our choices Harry".  The Sorting Hat had wanted to place him in Slytherin, but it was HIS choice that had decided on Gryffindor. 

If the choices we make, make us who we are, then Dumbledore was seriously twisted.  He chose to leave Harry with the Dursleys.  He chose to ignore the abuse, he chose to keep sending him back there.  He chose to ignore the fact, that Harry was almost certain of, that he knew Sirius was innocent.  He chose to not let Harry stay with him rather.

So many wrong choices, and it made him angry.  Filled, not with hate, but with so many damn questions, about why.  At the time, Harry had been told that it was blood wards that had kept him hidden from Voldemort all those years.  And he had believed them, and he had understood it, but why not step in and address the way that he was being treated.  Was the abuse supposed to toughen him up somehow?  Surely his Godfather also had blood wards that would have kept him safe?  He would never know.

In fourth year, he had no option but to let Harry compete in the Triwizard Tournament.  A binding magical contract, he had been told.  And a certified death eater had gained entry into Hogwarts, making Harry a complete and utter fool.  A target on his back, and with the amount of knowledge that Dumbledore had, he had to have known something was off.

In fifth year, he ignored Harry completely, citing he was trying to keep him safe.  But Harry wasn't stupid.  He suspected that Dumbledore knew of his his powers and of his connection to Voldemort's mind, making him afraid.  And wasn't that just pathetic?  A grown man of 150 years old, scared of a 15 year old, when he could have helped him.  Shaped him into what he had eventually become, all by himself mind you.

Instead he had groomed him.  Raised him like a pig for slaughter, were the exact words of Snape.  Even the potions master had been disgusted by this, but all in all, his way of thinking had eventually won them the war, but couldn't he have been more forthcoming?  Explaining to Harry why he was doing things a certain way, and what was the end goal, without him and his friends having to trapaise all over the bloody country looking for what seemed like a lost cause?

He had admired his Headmaster, he had trusted him completely, and this was his own fault.  Children are taught and raised to do this, but with knowledge comes power.  He wanted to remember Dumbledore before his memories of him became so tainted, that the thought of him being bad made him nauseous.  He was a good man, and had almost succumbed to evil when he himself had gone looking for the Hallows.

It was the death of his own sister that had brought him back from going totally insane.  Harry didn't want to hate him, but he was conflicted.  He wanted to know why, and knew that answers were a long time coming, which is why he stood before the tomb that housed Dumbledore, and started to speak in a soft voice.  Knowing full well that his words would never be heard.

"Professor Dumbledore... I am sorry that it took so long for me to come and visit you.  I have been rather busy, but the thing that matters most is, I am here now.  There were so many things that I wanted to ask you when I saw you in the afterlife.  So much that I wanted to know, but..... there was a war going on.  I realize now that you did what you did because you had to, but would it have been too much to give me a warning.  Would it have been too much to ask, to pull me aside and ask how was I being treated.  Merlin knows I would have told you, I would have been honest with you.  But I cannot dwell on the past.  My future started yesterday, so I am here to do one thing only, I only wish that I could have done it while you were alive.  Thank you for helping me become the man I did, although most of it was of my own doing.  I want you to know, that I am sorry that you had to die in a war that was so unnecessary, so stupid, so pointless.  And most of all, I want you to know that if you did indeed know about the abuse, that I forgive you.  With all that is in me, I forgive you".

"I have my eye on someone, and every time I look at this person, I just want to hold them, love them and tell them that I am sorry for my part in their heartbreak.  But I cannot do this without forgiving the people who hurt me.  I don't want to carry this burden into my future.  Vernon is dead", he said with a shaky laugh.  

"Vernon is dead before he got to pay for his crimes, and while I am not an evil man, I truly believe that he is in hell, burning there for all eternity. At least until he repents, which he probably won't do.  I don't know when I will come back and visit you again, but it will not be too soon.  Rest easy Professor, and don't cry for me or for what you could have done.  Cry for those who don't have a voice.  I wish you peace and comfort wherever you may be.  

Goodbye Professor", he said with a sigh.  Another part of his journey was fulfilled, and when he turned to leave, he looked across the lake towards his school, and smiled.  

The snake ring on his finger moved slightly and hissed at him to take cover that a huge storm was brewing.