Our Reality (Doki Doki Literature Club!)

The Only

You know, I had finally reached a point where I finally stopped caring about everything. It was faster than I thought, but maybe that's because I had a year to observe someone else doing so.

Maybe not caring is the wrong word. Maybe saying it like I wanted to reach that point is half wrong. Whether I really wanted to fall into that state or not, I was immediately brought out of it when I ran into Rei and the snowdrop she had on her.

How I wished back then that it was just she had to admire, but I knew better. Even before it was confirmed, I knew it was pretty likely that it was a gift for Shujinkou. Knowing that I tried my hardest to end our conversation as soon as possible, but, of course, the thing I was desperately trying to avoid happened.

Normally, when a friend invites you to visit a hurt friend, you wouldn't hesitate to go, right? But I did. It was only for a brief moment, but I did hesitate. That alone made me feel bad, but it didn't compare to what I felt when I hastily declined her offer. My response and the way I just left her was really... I don't think I ever felt so ashamed before.

That brief exchange was on my mind for the entirely of that accompanying night. Like I mentioned before, the state I ended up in earlier made it easy to not care about things, but our brief talk caused what was suppressed to slip through the cracks formed at that moment.

I tried to seal them again, but the next day would prove those efforts to be pretty pointless.

Really, the start of it all was my fault. In my effort to guarantee no sudden run-ins during lunch, I went to the rooftop. I don't know what made me think that was a good idea. It really feels like I should have known that going to the roof would instantly remind me of what happened on the hospital's rooftop.

My body and heart ached as I remembered how Akui assaulted us with sadistic glee. Of course, that wasn't the only thing I was reminded of.

And as if life wanted to make things worse, what I was reminded of made me recall something Mali said to me before Claudette and I were captured.

"Of course, where does that leave Ms. Club President? Senpai is just a normal club member and yet he does more than the founder and president. Isn't it your responsibility to keep your club together? But instead of doing that, you rely on the one that doesn't look like the literature type and didn't want to be there in the first place.

I may have said that Shujinkou doesn't do much but you make him look really active in comparison. Even now, he's driving himself crazy to protect his friends while others do nothing but wait on the sidelines. This just proves that his potentials do nothing but push their problems on him, fueling his almost martyr complex. That's pretty harsh to do to someone you claim to love."

"Though if Ms. Club President was just letting Senpai be the 'heart' of the club just so he can feel like he's not out of place, then now would be a good time to drop the act. After all, Senpai could use all the help he can get since he's on a strict countdown."

Honestly, those words have haunted me ever since I heard them. At first, it was mainly because of how unnerving Mali's presence was back then. The clear enjoyment she felt from Shujinkou trying his hardest to "save the day" while he was struggling to keep his sense of self seemed to be too much even for someone who enjoyed teasing others.

Her eyes at that moment; it was like looking into the eyes of a devil. But the next time we met, she seemed to be back to normal.

That said, in the end, it didn't really matter what she was like then or now; what she said ended up being true. All I could do was stand in the sidelines and let Shujinkou save us despite how much pain I knew he was going through and because of that, things got worse for everyone.