Our Reality (Doki Doki Literature Club!)

What They Mean To Me

A/N: Though early, I figured I'd post a special chapter to commemorate 2 years of writing this story.

Okay, here we go. So, this was something Monika suggested I do awhile ago, but I always figured that I could just relive things in my head, so I don't know if I'll do this again. Honestly, I thought it would kill some time since its storming outside.

I've been really thinking about myself lately. I don't mean this in a self-absorbed way, it's just that... lately, I've been called a "good friend." It's honestly weird. I never really think that I do anything special enough to feel like I am one, but Natsuki insists that I am despite that. I would ask Granny Hisa for her opinion, but she's been really busy and I don't want to bother her. I thought about asking Kiyoko too, since she's easy to talk too, but she's currently asleep.

I don't know what to think. I joined the club, to make up for being a really bad friend to Sayori, but even after I did, I wasn't much of a pleasant person to be around. Maybe it was because I being pessimistic about the whole thing; I don't even think that I really had any hope of surviving in such a club. Not only was it a club about literature but the club itself was composed of 4 really cute girls. Sometimes, it took all I had just to raise my head. I know a lot of a lot of people would assume that's why I joined and stayed, but I honestly think that even if that was the reason, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

But ignoring that awkward hardship, just being there was a little uncomfortable. I had to face the guilt of hurting Sayori. She tried to act like nothing happened between us, but that just made me feel even worse than I already did. Her taking me back as a friend was something that I didn't deserve and I had to prove that I was worthy of it. Then there was the fact that the club's president was the school's idol: Monika. The fact that I would spend time with someone like her was too weird for me to comprehend. I mean she's been nice to me during our short interactions beforehand, but still. And then there was Natsuki and Yuri. Natsuki wasted no time establishing that she didn't really like me; not that I could blame her. Yuri, on the other hand, was extremely quiet and seemed like she'd rather avoid conversation with me all together; again, not that I could blame her.

Looking back, I may have made things seem harder than they were back in the day. Actually, worrying showing off the kind of books I like the most seems really funny in hindsight. Still, that was the beginning of me actually feeling like I wasn't some stranger in the club. Yuri offered to help me find a book that day and, in hindsight, that must have been a really hard thing for her to do. But even though she had a fear of making a bad first impression, she still decided to help with something just because I was slightly unnerved over something. It was kind of a weird experience, but I got to learn a little about her and I really appreciated the sentiment.

There was also the time during the Cultural Festival when we went through the Haunted House that I learned even more about her. It really surprised me how calm and interested she was during that. Back then, she would only become like that when expressing her interests, but it wasn't something she did often. It was also surprising that she was worried that she thought that I thought she was weird, especially since that was one of my worries when I joined the club.

She still was extremely nervous around me for awhile though. I think she even pushed herself to try and become more comfortable when I was around, like when she visited me during our first trip here. I don't really know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, we became more comfortable around each other. Though, she would still surprise me from time to time, like the whole fake boyfriend incident.

Her asking me to be her boyfriend really threw me for a loop, especially since she just asked me that outright. I probably should have known she was referring to being a fake boyfriend considering that we're talking about me. Even so, her asking was still strange. She wanted her family not to worry about her and I somehow came up into the conversation. Deciding to go along with it was probably one of the hardest decisions of my life and I still can't believe that my personal angel and devil actually agreed.