Ramé

Pâro

(n.) the feeling that no matter what you do is somehow wrong

Awsten walked up to Otto with a shit eating grin on his face. "Good show," he said, punching Otto lightly on the arm.

Otto looked at him and then down at his hand warmly. "You too, man. You really know how to work a crowd."

"Years of practice," Awsten dismissed, causing Otto to laugh. "I- what's the plan for tonight?"

"Uh, same plan as every night?" Otto said, giving him a weird look.

Awsten laughed before shaking his head. "Oh, yeah. Duh. I don't even know why I asked."

"Are you okay?"

No, Otto , Awsten thought to himself. He was not okay. How could he be okay when the guy he's been in love with since high school is standing right in front of him, glistening with sweat like a Greek god and looking like that?

"Just peachy! I'll see you in twenty!" Awsten quickly turned on his heel, leaving Otto gaping behind him. God, he was stupid. Why was he so fucking stupid? And why was he choking all of a sudden? It's not like these feelings were new. He'd felt this way since high school, goddamn it. And he'd been hiding it all this time. Not asking him stupid questions after shows just to talk to him. But, for the past few weeks, every time he saw Otto his heart would start hammering and he couldn't help but say dumb shit. And it was ruining his life. Which is why the past few weeks have consisted of very little one on one time with Otto Wood.

He sat on an amp laying next to the door that was waiting to be taken out when he heard a cough. He looked up and saw their manager Lucas standing with his arms over his chest. "What did we say about sitting on the equipment," he chidded jokingly.

"That I can when I'm sad?" Awsten tried, batting his lashes. Lucas rolled his eyes and made him stand.

"Grab the other side of that," Lucas directed him. "Now," he said, picking up the amp with Awsten's help, "why are you sad?"

Awsten laughed. "Oh yeah, like I'm telling you!" Lucas just hummed as he passed the amp off to their crew. He motioned for Awsten to join him on the bus. "Oh, no. Me and the guys-."

"Are going out. I know, Awsten. It'll only be, like, five minutes." Reluctantly, Awsten followed him onto the bus. "So, you don't have to tell me anything. But you can nod, right?"

Awsten scoffed. "I just don't want to talk about it."

Lucas shrugged. "Then don't." Rolling his eyes, Awsten nodded. "Does it have to do with one of the boys?" He nodded. "Not Geoff." He nodded. "Otto?"

"I don't wanna do this anymore," Awsten muttered, feeling claustrophobic. "It doesn't matter. I'll get over it and everything will be fine."

"Otto didn't do anything, did he?" Lucas said after looking at him for a while. Awsten shook his head. That was the problem . "Do you... want him to do something?"

Awsten's eyes pooled with tears. "Fuck this. Fuck all of this, Lucas." Just as Lucas went to say something, Awsten felt his phone buzz. Geoff was asking where he was. He shot back a quick be right there text and turned to Lucas. "Don't say anything to him. Please."

Lucas looked at him confused. "Awsten, I wouldn't even know what to tell hi-."

"Bullshit!" Awsten exploded. "You know damn well what I'm talking about. You know you do." Lucas studied him, seemingly trying to figure Awsten out. "Whatever. It doesn't fucking matter. It'll be all good in the morning."