Ramé

Nepenthe

Hey hey hi!

Me again! Hope you're having a good time reading this. But important note before we begin:

This chapter talks heavily about self-harm. You can absolutely skip this chapter if you so choose and not miss any important details. This was absolutely more of a vent chapter for me personally and I thought about taking it out of the publication version of my book. However, I've been working on this work for about two years now (lots of editing and rewording and I still hate it!) and I'm extremely attached to every word I've poured into this work, so I'm keeping it.

HOWEVER!!! I know lots of people struggle with sh but DON'T like to read about it! And that's so valid, you don't even know. For me, writing or reading about sh-ing curves my want/need to actually engage in sh, hence this chapter. Whatever you decide to do, please take care of yourself!! If you need to reach out or need support you can reach me on my twitter (handle is the same). But, if you're in crisis, please call the national suicide hotline.

You're so loved and important. Take care of yourself and I hope you're okay :)

Hotline (US): 800-273-8255

Website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

(n.) something that makes you forget grief or suffering

"Shit!" Otto yelled, as he watched the mirror shatter before him. He forgot how much he despised moving.

"What's wrong?" Awsten said from the doorway entering the garage. Otto knew he must've ran to see him because he was slightly out of breath. "Oh, babe! The good mirror!" He exclaimed when he realized what had happened.

Otto rolled his eyes and bent down to pick up the larger shards. "Yeah, I know. Sorry for startling you."

"Do you want help?"

"Nah, I'm an adult. I got this," he dismissed him. Awsten turned to leave, muttering under his breath as he walked back into the house. When he reached the trash can, he dropped the glass into the bin. Somehow, somewhere, in the transition from his arms to the bin, Otto cut himself. Not terribly deep from the looks of it, but deep enough that it made Otto lose his breath. Because, holy shit, Otto had cut himself.

He sat down on the garage floor, his chest heaving and his palms sweating as his blood dripped onto the cement floor of his garage. He knew somewhere within himself that he should probably call for Awsten to come and help him. Otto could feel his arm vibrating as he tried to ebb the flow of the blood. He hissed as he slid his shirt over his head, pressing it to his arm, panicking as he realized how deep he'd actually cut himself.

Shit, shit, shit.

Otto didn't want anyone to know. He walked out of his last class of the day with his head held high. His hands were finally starting to scab over from a fight earlier that day and he could barely think straight as he saw Awsten come up to him, concern scribbled onto his face.

"Dude, are you okay?"

"Totally fine," Otto smiled. "Why? What'd you hear?"

Awsten frowned at him, but followed Otto to his locker. "I heard that you got fucked up this morning in the science wing."

Otto tsked. "I held my own, I'll have you know."

"Kinda not the point," Awsten pushed.

"What's going on?" Jawn asked, Geoff trailing not far behind him.