Ramé

Monachopsis

(n.) the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place

Otto played with the microphone in his hands, rolling it back and forth over his palms to distract himself from the same drawn out answer Awsten had given for the third time that day. Even if it was worded slightly different.

It was a press day which meant Otto and Geoff got to get up early to go to a bunch of interviews where they were bound to be ignored. And Otto loved press days, don't get him wrong. He loved hearing Awsten's long winded answers about nothing in particular, but it also felt like he didn't exactly have to be there.

"Alright! Thank you guys so much for coming in to talk to us!" The interviewer exclaimed.

"Yeah, absolutely! Thank you for having us," Awsten said into the mic, smiling. They all smiled and waved into the camera before they cut, the smile quickly falling off Otto's face. After a few moments of pleasantries, Lucas came to usher them to their next location. Once they reached the safety of their van, Awsten grabbed his hand. "What's wrong?"

Otto feigned stupidity. "Nothing's wrong." Awsten just looked at him warily, rubbing his thumb over Otto's knuckles.

He was so tired of being ignored. The interviewer had yet to even look at him or Geoff. It was their first ever press day, and while Otto had started the day with a little extra pep in his step, he quickly realized that no one wanted to hear from the drummer. And he was super bummed out about it.

"Why're you pouting?" Geoff asked when they got back to their apartment after the day had come to an end.

Otto gave him a look. "Did we just go through the same day?"

Geoff nodded. "I think we did, yeah."

"It doesn't bother you that not a single interviewer even acted like we existed?"

"I mean, I guess," Geoff shrugged. "But it kinda comes with the gig of being in the background." He passed Otto a soda before opening one for himself. "I mean, we don't write the lyrics and we definitely don't run on stage to take pictures and kiss our lead singer on the lips," Geoff laughed.

He sure wished that he did . "No, you're right. I guess I just pictured it differently."

Geoff nodded. "I think it's just one of those things that you and me are gonna have to get used to."

And that reality set in pretty quick. The emotions faded from anger and hurt to just indifference. It's the reason why Geoff and him just ended up sitting a lot of interviews out. Now, whenever the occasional feeling of hurt crept in, he just felt like a pouty, nineteen year old brat. Otto knew he was better than that, but it still happened.

After another interview of being left out of conversation unless he elbowed his way into it, they broke for lunch. Him and Awsten sat in a Chick-fil-A, waiting for their order. "Okay," Awsten broke the silence. "I get that you wanna sit and be all moody, and you can totally do that, I don't care, but at least tell me what's got you so pissed off."

Otto rolled his eyes. "I'm not pissed off. I'm just disappointed in myself."

Awsten looked at him, confused. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong back there."

"No, it's just─ I guess that interviewers just kinda forget about me and Geoff. Which is cool," Otto sighed. "I get that there's not a ton of people clamouring to hear about the drummer's opinion on how the new songs are coming along or whatever. But I guess I'm just mad that I still care after all these years."

"I mean, I think it's valid."

"You have to say that," Otto laughed. "I just feel kinda out of place is all. No biggie."