𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐧/𝐍~

~ 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 ~

Saturday
22/01/2022
10:05 am

my heart, it's trying to convey something to me. a message i cannot perceive no matter how hard i try. i don't belong. i have never belonged. the feeling of travelling place to place in search of comfort and never finding it is undoubtedly tiring. i have tried to fit in my whole life, everywhere i go.

never once have i found a place where i attain absolute peace.

my heart is tired, it is craving for comfort, love and tranquility, will i ever find the place made for me? i have become restless, searching for a home instead of a house, friends instead of acquaintances, love instead of disapproval.

my confidence in the world and in myself is withering away ever so slowly, my soul cannot bear it anymore. oh dear lord, is this a curse i brought upon myself? i have reached a new place now. i like the atmosphere, the air has a certain blitheness to it. this is a nice place.

then why, oh why is my heart rejecting it. i don't belong here either. i feel like i don't belong anywhere. my heart is not at peace. i want to stay. i want to stay here in this cheerful environment where i can be content.

this place is just the perfect fit, except my soul is still restless. my mind is still not at peace. i want to stay, i really do, but somewhere deep inside my heart there is a feeling, a strong feeling i cannot ignore. my heart is set at this place, i really want to stay.

i would stay only if my soul responded to my cries, but my heart knew i was desperate and ignoring the bad aura from this place, the resistance is pertinent, i knew at once

i wanted to leave.

~ sus.