Northbound Pilgrimage II

Chapter XXVI - A Good Place

Author's Note:

Okay, surprise, surprise: this is an angsty chapter :D It is one of my favorite angsty chapters though so I really hope you'll enjoy it :)

In the middle of the chapter we get another flashback section just like at the end of the first book. In fact, this flashback directly follows the events of the previous one and sometimes it refers to them. If you want to refresh your memory, which I definitely recommend, it was in chapter 147 (CXLVII) 'A Lone Cabin' :) The flashback formatting is again the same as it was then.

Enjoy and thank you for reading <3

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Walking through the Rift's forests always used to make him feel better.

He could clear his head in the fresh air and the scent of aspen trees. In a month or two the crisp autumn air would make the experience even better. In the past, he could spend days there, alone with Karnwyr, lazing around the forests, hunting, away from people. Away from everything.

Somehow, now, the image just seemed... hollow.

There was something... someone prominently missing from it.

As Bishop walked around, wading through the fallen leaves, all he could think about was that just a year ago, he spent so much time here with her. It felt so carefree back then. Just the three of them with no looming prophecies, unconcerned about his haunted past, just enjoying each other's company.

That was over now.

Whatever happened, whatever was between them, he destroyed it with a few words.

He alternated between seething anger and deep regret. He needed to end that mockery of a relationship. It was killing him, seeing her so detached, always just leaving after she was satisfied with her 'distractions'.

But that didn't change anything about how he felt.

He still loved her, more than he ever loved anyone. He still needed her. He still wanted her back. He knew that she didn't try to hurt him out of spite. He knew that she didn't fully realize what she had been doing to him. Her confusion was plain enough. She didn't have it in her to fake that.

But he couldn't take more of that. Her intentions didn't change the effect it had on him. He couldn't just go on like that.

And now it was all over, leaving him alone again and... empty.

He wasn't even angry at her. Not really. He was angry back at Dragon Bridge, but that anger waned much quicker than it usually did. With every step, the weight of what was left unsaid subsided from him. And as he made his way through the thicket of the Haafingar forests, any remaining resentment got steadily replaced by sorrow and regret. He didn't regret the fight. He needed to tell her what she was doing to him. He needed to make her see that if she really didn't want to ruin them, like she always said, this wasn't the way. But he regretted leaving. He regretted giving up.

It was quite possible that if he had stayed, she would have just ended things instead of him. Maybe this was why she was that detached. Maybe she didn't feel the same way about him anymore. Maybe she didn't love him anymore.

But he still should have stayed and let her tell him if that was the case.

Fuck, he really hoped that it wasn't.

But did it even matter now? He didn't stay. He left. He ended things and he left.

He couldn't believe that he was the one who ended things. That was not what he wanted at all! He just wanted it to stop. He wanted her to stop leaving, to stop being miles away when they were together. He just wanted to move forward instead of stagnating in a state of constant uncertainty.