Northbound Pilgrimage II

Chapter LII - In the Wake of a Disaster

The celebrations at the College were in full swing, late into the night.

The relief was constantly etched on everyone's faces while they drank, laughed and feasted merrily. The mages were not very concerned about losing their powerful artifacts – in fact, they seemed to be really relieved that the Psijic monks took the Staff and the Eye with them. So were Bishop and Aeyrin, for that matter. The mages could obviously not be trusted to be responsible with such power.

The two of them were constantly questioned about their journey to get the Staff and all the mages listened with rapt attention to their recountings. It was certainly nice to be recognized for their efforts after the ordeal that they had gone through and the mages could really use some humbling. Admitting to themselves that they created a problem which their own magic couldn't have handled alone was a good step to make them learn some responsibility with the secrets that they were always so eager to uncover.

It felt a little strange to Aeyrin though. It wasn't as if she wasn't used to being celebrated, though maybe not at this scope, but she couldn't help but think about Darren from time to time.

He didn't stay for the celebrations for very long. In fact, he retreated back into his chambers after only an hour or so. Aeyrin told herself that he was just tired after their ordeal, but deep inside, she knew why he left. Now that she knew how unappreciated he felt at the College, it was painfully easy to see the signs. The mages were constantly fawning over the two of them while Darren got overlooked and ignored. It was as if nobody wanted to accept the fact that he was an integral part of their salvation. They constantly congratulated Faralda for controlling the Staff and they praised Tolfdir for handling the organization of their efforts to hold the barrier, but nobody even acknowledged Darren.

And Aeyrin couldn't stop thinking about their exchange in Labyrinthian.

They almost killed him. They jumped to conclusions instantly and they were ready to slaughter an unhappy, broken man, because they didn't like him. They would have given anyone kinder the benefit of the doubt, but not him. This shouldn't have been their reaction. When Bishop pointed his sword at Darren, Aeyrin didn't think, even for a second, that he was approaching the situation in the wrong way. In fact, she fully expected him to just... kill Darren. And she wouldn't have batted an eye.

Bishop was the one who restrained himself and waited for an explanation. She didn't even think about it. And she actually expected him to kill the mage without getting her own hands dirty.

It was a bitter and sobering feeling. She let herself get so jaded, even though she constantly reminded herself not to.

"Come on, love." Bishop suddenly tore her from her ruminations as he draped his arm over her shoulder and planted a comforting kiss on her temple. She didn't even realize how morose she must have been looking until now. He could clearly see that something was bothering her and, by now, he knew her all too well to guess what it was.

"He made us think that he tried to kill us. Twice. On purpose. This was on him. And nothing happened," he gave her a small reassuring smile. It wasn't surprising that he could rationalize this away. And he wasn't exactly wrong.

But it still bothered her how easy it became for her to use other people in order to solve her problems without having her own conscience threatened. Her mind went instantly back to the Alik'r warrior that she had Raven kill. Rationally, she knew that it was the right thing to do just then, just like she could rationally say that threatening to kill Darren was justifiable, given their history. But... she still wondered what Master Therien would think about these conundrums. She was sure that he would not think about them so favorably.

This was not how she was supposed to solve her problems.

But what else was she to do? The world didn't provide her with countless kinder alternatives.