Northbound Pilgrimage II

Chapter CXII - Hope

Bishop's heart seemed to clench more and more with each step.

He knew that this was the only way. He knew what needed to be done. He fucking hated that he couldn't think of any alternatives.

He knew how much the parting would hurt, but he didn't know what else to do.

He had to drag Karnwyr away forcibly several times already. The wolf kept growling, barking and snapping. He kept wanting to go back. He kept wanting to return to Aeyrin.

They couldn't return.

Not like this.

He fucking hated the fact that Aeyrin didn't even have the chance to say a proper goodbye, but there was nothing that he could do about it.

They walked for at least a half of an hour already and Karnwyr was finally starting to calm down a bit. Bishop pulled out the massage oil he had stashed away from the Solitude mansion to rub it on his hands and a little on Karnwyr's fur here and there to dull his senses. He never thought he would be using that thing like this, but it was working. The scent made Karnwyr calmer and no longer obsessed with returning to the one that caused him so much distress.

Bishop couldn't stop thinking about Aeyrin. He just left her there, naked and crying, alone in these fucking woods. But he didn't know what else to do just then.

This needed to be done.

Fuck, he didn't want to do this.

When they walked a bit further, already halfway to Falkreath, he finally stopped. Karnwyr looked much calmer. He still whimpered every now and then, but he didn't look ready to hunt and kill anymore. It should be enough. He couldn't bear to walk further anymore.

This would be fucking heartbreaking.

He stopped in his tracks and, with a shuddering sigh, he knelt down. Karnwyr perked up at his unusual action and he turned towards him in an instant, tilting his head in confusion and letting out another whine.

"Fuck," Bishop grumbled. Why did he have to look at him like that?

"Listen," he reached out for the wolf's head, raking his finger in his fur. "We have to... you have to leave."

Karnwyr let out another whine at those words, more gut-wrenching one than ever.

"I know. I fucking hate this," Bishop sighed. "I don't know what else to do. I... I promise, it's not forever. We'll find a way to fix this, we have to." There had to be a way to fix this. "But until then... you can't be around her. And I can't leave her."

Karnwyr nuzzled his head into Bishop's hand affectionately and another sad whine left his maw. This was so fucking hard.

"I will find you again when I can. I swear. I don't care how long it takes, even if you run off to the end of the fucking Nirn, I will find you again." He felt his eyes prickle unpleasantly as his voice wavered. He meant every word, he just worried about when he could look for him again.

"You could go back to the Rift. You always loved it there," he tried to smile weakly, but the smile was instantly erased when Karnwyr let out another whine.

"Fuck. I'm so sorry," Bishop wrapped his arms around the wolf's neck and buried his head in his fur. It was always so comforting. He fucking hated that he wouldn't be able to do this for likely a long time. But there just had to be a way to get things back to the way they were.

They stayed like this for what felt like a long time. Karnwyr kept whining and when Bishop finally parted from the embrace, he even let out a mournful howl. That didn't really help. Bishop quickly wiped his eyes from the tears prickling them as he straightened up again.