Your Icy Exterior

Fuck Off

*4 years later, 19 years old*

groaned as i felt somone land on top of me.
"Wake up bitch, the wicked witch has an assignment for us" ontari said as she layed on top of me.
"Fuck off" I groaned and pushed her off the bed. When I heard her hit the ground I couldn't help but chuckle.
That quickly ended when I felt her grab my foot and pull me off the bed.
I land on top of her. I looked down at and glared at her.
She smiled innocently
"Whoops" she said.
I just rolled my eyes and got off of her.
Second later Roan walked in.
I smiled at the thought of them, my family. While I did have other friends ice Nation, these were the two people in the whole world I knew I could trust.
I walked over to the med kit and got out some bandages. I sometimes injure myself when I have night mares, scratch myself untill I bleed and I don't even realize it untill I wake up.
I felt a gentle hand take the the bandage from my hand and quietly clean the scratch marks that littered my arms. I looked up into ontaris dark eyes. I looked down ashamed. She just leaned in and kissed my forhead. I couldn't help the small smile that came to my face.
One she was done she took her hands in mine.
"You haven't have one in a while, do you want to talk about it" she asked looking in my eyes.
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. So I just shook my head no.
I walked over to the couch. And sat next to roan.
"So whats the assignment" I asked sighing.
Trying not to go back to my dream.
Ontari looked nervous, and I was confused. I had only seen her nervous a hand full of times, so this surprised me.
"Ontari, what is is? Whats wrong?" I asked.
"Your people... your people are on the ground" she said quietly.
Ontari and Roan know my relationship with the ark is strained. They sent me to die. Killed my family. I don't have to like them. Hell I don't even have to tolerate them. Though I can't but help to think of my freinds. I like to think that if I saw them I would recognize them, but I just couldn't bring myself to remember what they looked like, almost as if it was erased from my mind. It isn't surprising that I forgot, covered by war and blood and killing.
But when ontari said my people were on the ground I couldn't help but disagree. They were not my people, not anymore. Ontari and Roan were my people.
"Ok what does that have to do with us" I asked
"They made a truce with the commander, they are going to attack the mountain, the commander has called on us more specifically you, for reinforcement" she said looking at both me and Roan.
I had not formally met the commander. I had seen her, not up close, but I have seen her. And I'm sure she's heard her fair share of stories about me.
"Ok when do we leave" Roan asked.
"Two hours, we should make it to Tondc in about 4 days" she said.
I just nodded my head.
"Well ima go pack my stuff" Roan said an door up. But not before giving my shoulder a sqeeze, and a small smile.
"How do you feel about seeing them again" ontair asked carfully.
I looked down, I'm not entirely sure. I want to see them again. I'm just not quite sure they will want to see what I have become.
"What if they are scared of me ontari... they were my family. Enough people already look at me like I'm a monster. I'm not sure I could handle them as well" I said honestly. I felt ontari sit next to me. She wrapped her arms around me. I rested my head on her.
"I'm not sure exactly what will happen, but know that you will always have me and Roan. And fuck them if they don't accept you. They did send you to die" she said. Her forhead leaning against my temple. I had a small smile.
I looked towards ontari
"Thank you for being here for me" I said quietly.
"Of course" she said giving me a small peck on the lips. With that she got up and went to back her stuff.
Mine and ontaris relationship is strange. It is not uncommon for us to seek physical comfort from eachother, when things get hard. When we need assurance that we are both still alive. She means the world to me.

Now that I'm alone I couldn't help but let my mind drift back to my dream. If you could call it that, It was a memory, real life, that replays in my mind.

*Three years ago*
The horn sounded and I walked into the arena. A small smirk plastered on my face. My whole body burned as I walked from the amount of whipping I had been through. But it didn't effect me. I thrived on it pain. I wanted to kill them, needed to. The girl from the ark was gone. I saw the 10 gonas I would be fighting, they all had terrified looks on there faces. I didn't blame them. People had heard of the fates my opponents would come to. Death in seconds. Tens of men brought to there knees in minutes by a teenage girl. I looked to the stands. I saw something percular. I young women , a bit older than me sitting near the queen. She had long brown hair. I could see her green eyes that stand out behind her black war paint. It dripped down her face like tears. Her red sash hung from her shoulder. Then I clicked. The commander. The commander is here to watch. I wasn't to surprised. People from all clans came to watch the fights. The commander must have gotten curious as well.
The horn blew and they all charged. I don't even remember how the fight went. Just a Mess of blood and screams. Before I knew what happened the fight was over. All the other warriors on the ground dead. The crowd erupted in chears. I looked up to the sun still in the same position, indicating the fight was quick. I looked at the queen she had a satisfied look on her face, I then looked to the commander, she looked shocked, but saddend . She appeared to be looking into my soul, but I kept my face blank, not revealing anything. I then just walked back to my cell.

That was the day I knew I had lost myself. I was no longer the sarcastic, snippy young girl I once was. That was the last fight I ever fought in the pits, the day I received my scars. I didn't even flinch as they dragged knives into my skin. The commander sat to the side and watched. I looked into her eyes and could see the horror in her eyes. One it was done she quietly left.

I shook my head of that thought and quietly got my gear together.
My singinture look consisted of all black cloths and long black coat with a blue band wrapped around my right bicep signifying my clan as ice Nation. I wore cargo pants type pants. That held knives and kept me warm. My long coat had a hood that I kept of to cover my face, along with a mask that covered the lower half of my face. So all you could see was my eyes. But that was all you needed to see. Most people knew me by my appearance, and if they didn't my pearcing grey eyes, with a scar going throught the right one was enough to convince them.
Once I was packed I walked down to the gate, I pet my horse. His name was Oubre. I stroked his nose. I put on all my gear. My weapons consisted of my bow, my staff with a blade on either side, and several knives hidden on myself.
"You ready" I heard houves coming up behind me.
"Yes I guess" I said to ontari as I rolled my eyes. She just chuckled.
We lead our small army. Not many people were coming seeing as all 12 clans were bring people, plus Nia doesn't really like helping the commander. So it was only about 80 people.
And so we began our journey to Tondc.

About three days into our trip and I could already feeling it getting much warmer.
I hated it. I had gotten used to the cold chill in ice Nation. But I knew I would have to get used to the heat.
"God its hot as ass here" I heard ontari complain.
I heard Roan chuckle. And I smirked.
"Glad to see your enjoying yourself ontari" I said.
"Oh fuck off y/n, I dont know how the hell you still even wearing all that shit" she said like I was the crazing one.
I just rolled my eyes.
"Should we be arriving tomorrow" I asked
"Yes if we don't run into any trouble, but you know trikru, they love fucking with us" Roan said.
I couldn't help but roll my eyes. The fact the everyone in bothe ice nation and trikru thinks that the other has some personal agenda against every single member of the opposite clan is baffling to me, and perhaps a bit childish.
We stopped for the night. And set up camp.
I was sitting at a fire, I couldn't help but let my thought drift to my friends, I wonder if they remember me, or think about me. I wish I could remember what they look like. God or even what there names were, its all slipped away.
"Hey you alright" I heard a gruff voice ask.
I looked up at Roan and just nodded. He seemed to understand.
He just sat down next to me. I rested my head against his shoulder, seeing that he was a few inches taller than me. We just sat there in silence. I felt myself growing tired and bid him good night. I entered my tent and saw a body already cuddled into my furs. I undressed into chest binding and left my pants on, then got under the furs. I felt ontaris arms wrap around my waist. I rested my head on the pillow. I felt her fingers slowly tracing the scars on my back. I couldn't help but feel my eyes began to feel heavy.
I kissed ontaris head.
"Good night ontari"
"Good night y/n"

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