Your Icy Exterior

What Can I Do

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you".
I heard Lexa say.
I didn't say anything.
I felt her other hand on my hip. Her thumb traced my skin.
"I'm sorry I tried to tell you to stay away from her. I just... I don't want what happened to me, to happen to you." I heard her say quietly.
I felt her press her forehead against my back.
"Her name was Costia. She was captured by the ice queen who believed she knew my secrets. Because she was mine" I felt her hands tighten on my waist. I still didn't turn around.
"She tortured her, killed her, cut off her head" I heard her words get stuck in her throat.
I finally turned around.
The water was up over our chests. I saw that I was not the only one naked. But that thought didn't really register in my brain.
Lexa hands were still on my waist.
I leaned my forhead against hers.
"I'm sorry" I said quietly.
She stayed quiet for a bit.
"I thought I would never get over the pain. But I did" she said. Her eyes closed.
"How?" I said quietly. Studying her face.
Her hair wasn't wet. Still in her braids.
I brought my hand to her cheek.
"By recognizing it for what it is... weakness" she said looking me in the eyes.
She studied my face. Having not seen it that many times.
"Hmm... I don't think you really believe that". Bring my hand down to her waist.
She looked down.
"You love gustus, you love Anya, you love indra, you love your people. Don't try to tell me otherwise. Love makes us stronger. Gives us something to fight for. Even if that person we love isn't with us anymore. We fight to see the people we love again, or even just to preserve there memory. Avenge them. Don't tell me that you didn't unite the clans because of her. Be cause of costia. Even a little bit." I said looking her right in the eyes. I saw tears form in her eyes.
"Tell me I'm wrong. And ill stop. I won't ever mention it again" I said.
When I looked in her eyes I saw Lexa. Not the commander. The one who never truly got over her first love. Never stopped fighting for her. I wanted to help.
I care... I care for Lexa.

I saw a tear finally escape her eyes. She turned her head and moved her hand quickly from my hip to wipe it away. I grabbed her wrist before she could reach it.
"You don't need to hide it from me. I'm fully capable of understanding the commander is capable of emotions" I said quietly.
Pulling her closer by by her hips. I felt her chest against mine, her hips against mine. Our forheads were still touching.
I brought my hand up to wipe her tears, that were now falling few at a time.
Her walls finally broke. And I felt her arms wrap around me tightly.
She cried into my neck.
I brought my hand behind her neck. Playing with the baby hairs there.

*Lexa POV*
I didn't know what was happening. Iv never had someone break down my walls so easily. But what was most surprising was accepting that y/n was right. Love isn't weakness. I don't know why I couldn't admit that to my self sooner.

I felt myself start to calm down. I pulled my head out of y/n neck. I hate that I feel so comfortable with y/n. After only knowing her for a few weeks. But I genuinely believe I can trust her.

"I'm sorry" I said. God I think iv said sorry to this women today more than i have said sorry in my entire life.

She looked confused. And I couldn't help but get lost in her light gray eyes. I love them.

"Dont be sorry. You know I didn't have to take this job. I did it because I wanted to. I care for you Lexa." She said.

I couldn't help my eyes widened.
She cares for me. Almost like a lightining stike it came to me. I feel this way because, I care for y/n, I like her.

"I care for you too y/n." I said. A genuine smile came to my face.
She laughed. I looked at her confused.
"Is it weird that we have only known eachother for like a month and a half, and I already trust you more than almost anyone I know" she said quietly. Our forehads still together. Her lips so close to mine.
"No its not weird... well maybe a little bit. But I feel the same. Thank you for helping me understand. I know this now love isnt weakness. Thank you for helping me see that" I said. Our faces were so close. I was over come with the urge to kiss her. Feeling her naked body against mine was enough to drive me crazy. My thoughts now not clouding my head. I finally realized how close we truly were. Before all I was worried about was her forgiving me that I didn't even think about what I was doing.

I looked into her eyes. I could feel her breath on my face. Her hands on my waist. Mine on her collerbones. I felt our chest, and hips pressed together. It felt so good.
Time seemed to slow down. I felt myself getting closer to her.
I wanted this. I wanted her.
My hand traced down her side. Her smooth skin.
As I barley felt her lips press against mine.

A horn sounded. We quickly pulled away.

"What is that" she asked.
"Mountain men" I said.
She nodded and pulled away completely. I couldn't help but feel colder now that she wasn't holding me. I saw her heading out of the water. I couldn't help but watch her. Her muscles flexing while she walked. I noticed that tattoo on her back. As she dried herself off i noticed the tattoo that started on her chest, and went down her arms, and sides towards her hips. She had a flower pattern under her breasts. Once she had her pants on, she looked at me.
"You coming commander" she said her eybrows raised. I finally started walking towards shore.
She was turned away from me. And I walked over to my stuff. I didn't have a towel to dry off with so I just began putting on my stuff. Untill I felt a towel being placed around my shoulders.
"You could of just asked" she said. I felt her breath against my ear, and I shivered.
Then I heard her walk away. When I turned around she had her cloths on, putting up her hood and mask.
She nodded to me
"Ready?" She asked.
I nodded. With that we ran back to camp.
But by the time we got there everything seemed to be over.
I saw Clarke and walked over to her.
"What happened?" I asked
"The mountain men. We found this" she said. Then showed me a picture. It was of me, her, and y/n. All of our faces circled.
"They were trying to take us out, they failed. We cuaght one of them and are taking them back to Arkadia. So we can interigate them." Clarke said and I nodded.
"I'm leaving for Arkadia tonight" she said and I nodded. With that I walked back to my tent.

*Y/n POV*
It had been ours since the attack. I am to leave for the mountain tonight with Lincoln.
I have been preparing for days. My stuff already with Lincoln ready to go. I was walking back to the commanders tent. I was about to walk in when I heard noises. I got out a dagger and enterd without making a noise. But when I entered I froze.
My eyes widened. Standing there was the commader and Clarke. Kissing. I couldn't help the feeling in my chest. Like someone had grabbed my heart and was squeezing it. I quickly turned around and exited the tent. I walked back to Lincoln without a thought. Every thought was just gone.
I felt anger, jealousy. I didn't know what to do. So I left. I said goodbye to roan, ontari, raven, and Octavia and left. The commander and Clarke still not coming out of the tent.

"Are you alright y/n" Lincoln asked as we were walking. I looked at him and nodded.

"Y/n... you are about to go into the mountain. And I know we are not that close. But I am the last person you are going to talk to before you go in. Now I know you are lying." He said stopping me.

I swallowed harshly.
"I have these feelings for someone. That I didn't know I had. I saw them with someone else. And I don't know how to feel" I said quietly.

He looked at me with sympathy.
"I'm sorry y/n. I'm not quite sure what to say, except I hope you make it out of the mountain so you get a chance with them". He said.

"Thank you Lincoln" I said.

With that we kept walking. We made it to the tunnels with no trouble. We made it past the reapers and were now at the door.

"I guess this is goodbye" I said looking at the man. He nodded.
He brought me into a hug. At first I was stiff. But then I hugged back.
"Its not Octavia by the way... the person I like" I said pulling away smirking.
He laughed.
"God I hope not" he said.
"May we meet again" he said.
"May we meet again" I said.

Then he walked away. I watched him till I no longer could.

I then walked over to the panel on the door. I had learned how to crack codes when I was younger. I had weird interests as a kid. And soon the door opened. I made it into the mountain. I traveled through the vents. I tried to keep my mind off the commander.
I made it to the room with the delinquents.

I dropped down into the room. I looked around. The doors were already boarded up. And cameras were smashed.

"Who the hell are you" a voice said.

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