Coming Home (Sequel to This Time Around)

Chapter Twenty

CHAPTER TWENTY

It was a beautiful evening, warm and balmy, with clear skies and a gentle wind. McKenna held tightly to Aislinn, holding her in one arm, against her hip, while Selig stood beside her, his hand in hers. Odin stood on her right, Thor to their left, and they were both in their formal armor, as were the rest of the Asgardian warriors.

Every Asgardian appeared at the Southern Courtyard, where the Asgard Sea led to a waterfall that spilled from the realm. It was quietest crowd McKenna had ever seen gathered, somber and stone-faced. Occasionally someone sniffed, and cheeks were shiny with tears, but they were otherwise respectfully silent. Loki would be amused to see the respect being paid to his memory. He would be the first to lean over and his lips would brush her ear as he whispered, "And to think, at one time they would have gladly watched me burn."

McKenna swallowed hard. Her eyes were dry, her entire body numb with grief. Aislinn hugged her neck tightly. Selig's hand trembled in hers. But they stood there, watching as Loki's body was placed in a narrow wooden ship and set to sea.

As the ship silently slipped past them, McKenna didn't want to look, but had to. He was laid to rest with his dagger placed in his right hand, which crossed over his left. The bunting bearing his colors draped the boat and McKenna bit the inside of her cheek as she realized this was the last time she would ever see her husband's face in the flesh. From now on, he would exist only in photographs and in her memory.

"I love you, Jötunn," she whispered as the boat glided by and the falls carried it toward the edge of the realm. "I love you."

"Daddy..." Selig whispered, his voice breaking. But when McKenna looked down at him, his eyes were also dry and he stared straight ahead. Her brave boy. Their brave boy.

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and managed to smile down when he looked up at her. He leaned his head against her arm and that's when she felt the dampness on his cheeks.

Aislinn lifted her head and with her left hand, waved to the boat. "Bye-bye, Daddy," she whispered.

Behind them, Sif sniffed and Volstagg's enormous hand came to rest on McKenna's shoulders. She swallowed hard as the Head Royal Archer lifted his bows, outfitted with a flaming arrow.

The arrow arced brilliantly against the night sky and hit the boat, setting it aflame. The rest of the Royal Archers then fired their arrows as well. They streaked high above, bathing everyone in an orange glow, and then crashed into the water as the boat reached the edge of the falls.

Odin rapped his scepter against the ground and McKenna blinked through tears as a silvery dust rose from the boat just before it dropped over the falls. The dust swirled and danced as it rose into the air and slowly became one with the stars above.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

McKenna remembered that from her own mother's funeral. Only instead of being returned to the earth, Loki returned to the stars.

All around her, Asgardians held small orbs of pure white light and she felt the tears slip over her lower lashes as they lifted their hands and the orbs rose into the night sky, higher and higher until they also mingled with the stars.

When it was over, Odin eased his arm about her shoulders and guided her back toward the palace. She walked in silence, numb and tired. All she wanted to do was sit with Selig and Aislinn until they fell asleep. Then she would go back to her chambers and cry until there was no more water left in her body.

***

Aislinn slept peacefully in her bed, but Selig fought it, and McKenna didn't argue as she settled with him in his room.

"Mommy?"

"What, sweetie?"

"Was Daddy scared?"

"I don't think so, Sel. I've known Daddy a long time and I don't think I've ever seen him scared of anything, except maybe dropping you when you were first born."

"Do you think he was in pain?"

"No, I don't." She slid her arm about Selig's shoulders and hugged him to her side. "And if it did hurt him, he's free now, sweetie and nothing can ever touch him again. Now he's with your grandmothers, probably telling them all about you and your brother and sisters. And he's watching over us."

"I miss him, Mommy."

"I know you do, baby. I do, too." She ruffled his hair and bent to kiss the top of his head. "And it's okay to miss him. Cry whenever you need to, and for however long you need to. It's okay."

"If I pray, do you think he'll hear me?"

She nodded. "I do. And I'll bet, if you're quiet enough, you'll feel him because he will never be far from any of us."

Selig yawned and sank into his pillows. "Will Bestefar go after the man who hurt him?"

"In time, I'm sure he will. But you know something, Sel, revenge doesn't solve anything. It will make us all feel better for a little while, but in the end, the hole is still there. It won't bring Daddy back."

"But he should pay for what he did."

"I agree. But at the same time, for us, going on is how we win. I know you hurt right now, baby. And you will for a long time, and you'll probably never not miss Daddy.

"But the day will come when it won't really hurt to think about him, when you smile instead of cry and when the memories make you laugh."

"When I'm king, if that man is still alive, I'll hunt him down and slay him."

"Don't let that engulf you, Selig. Daddy would be the first one to tell you not to let hatred and anger into your heart. Nothing good ever comes of either one. Love, Selig. Love is the important thing."

He yawned, his eyes closing. "I know, Mommy."

Little by little, he drifted off and she just sat there on the edge of his bed, smoothing his black hair from his forehead. She couldn't fault him. She could easily kill Thanos herself at the moment, and if Odin did go after him, she wouldn't try to talk him out of it.

But at the same time, the result would be the same.

When she slid into bed, Loki's arm wouldn't drape easily around her waist. She'd never again feel the coolness of his body seep into her as he pulled her against him.

She would never see his smile, or hear his laugh, or feel the gentle sweep of his lips against hers. Hands wouldn't cradle her face, long fingers wouldn't brush along her cheekbones, and she would never again hear the deep warmth of his voice.

When she was certain Selig was asleep, she went back to her chambers and out onto the terrace, where she sat against the same golden pillar as she sat against so many nights over the last five years. It was still comfortably warm and she could still see the faint glow of several orbs in the distance. But other than that, all was quiet.

Closing her eyes, she saw Loki as he looked the first time they met-a little confused, very arrogant, and so very handsome.

"You promised me you'd come home, Loki," she whispered into the darkness. "How could you lie to me? How could you leave me? You promised."

Don't cry, darling girl. I never feel more helpless than when you cry.

So why did you leave me?

I had to do this, Midgardian. You know that.

She opened her eyes. "You didn't have to do this, Jötunn. You should have stayed here, with us."

But he was right. It was something he had to do. She knew that. Deep down, she knew that and would expect him to do anything else. He wasn't perfect, but he wasn't a coward, either.

A gentle breeze stirred to wrap around her and she'd swear she felt Loki's fingers sweep along her cheek, but when she turned, there was nothing there, of course. Tears blurred her vision and she closed her eyes as she let her head come to rest against the pillar. Within minutes, her cheeks were wet and tears dropped silently onto her black silk blouse.