Coming Home (Sequel to This Time Around)

Chapter Twenty-One

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

The days following Loki's funeral were a blur for McKenna and when she looked back, all she would remember was the neverending flood of tears—hers, Selig's, Aislinn's—and that horrible sense of numbness. She wanted to feel something, anything, just to know she was still human. How could she cry and yet feel so damn empty?

Eir and Tyra were godsends, there to help with the twins, to distract Aislinn and Selig, to let McKenna have some time for her own grief. But it didn’t matter. Grief was evil. It went away for a few minutes now and then, but then came roaring back with a vengeance.

One afternoon, about a month after the funeral, McKenna sat in the Western Courtyard with Eir and Tyra, watching as Selig and Aislinn played with their cars and the twins lay on a blanket in the bright September sunlight.

“Selig's birthday is only a few weeks away,” McKenna murmured, staring down at her hands, folded in her lap. Her cuticles were a mess because she’d developed the habit of picking at them. “And all I can think about it how Loki isn't going to be here for it. Last year he entertained everyone with fireworks, and now…” Her breath hitched and she shook her head. “I’m going crazy, Eir. I can’t even remember what he sounded like. How can I be forgetting already?”

“You haven’t forgotten,” Eir murmured, covering McKenna's hands with hers to keep her from tearing her thumb cuticle further. “Your heart is protecting you for now. When you’re ready to hear it, you will recall his voice at once.”

“But that will mean I’ve gotten used to his not being here and I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.” McKenna tilted her head back to stare up at the blue sky. It was the only way to keep her tears from falling. “The firsts are starting.”

“I’m sorry?”

“This is the first of Selig's birthday he isn't here for. Then it’s Christmas and Aislinn's birthday. And then…” She shook her head. “Our anniversary… damn it…”

Eir’s arm slid about her shoulders. “You tell Selig and Aislinn to cry whenever they need to. Perhaps you should take some of your own advice.”

“I don’t want to cry in front of them.” She nodded toward the children. “They don’t need to see me fall apart.”

“I will have Tyra take them to the stables. The Allfather would love the distraction, I’m sure. Especially since he’s sent Thor in search of Thanos.”

“He did?”

Eir nodded. “Last eve. Actually, I think he was trying to talk Thor out of going, only to have Thor convince him there was no other option.” She looked up. “Tyra, please take the prince and princess to the Allfather and see if he would like to take them riding.”

“Of course.” Tyra offered McKenna sympathetic smile. “Is there anything I can get for you, Your Highness?”

“No. I’m fine, thank you.”

“Selig, Aislinn, would you like to go riding?” Tyra asked.

Selig looked up, and then looked over at McKenna as he rose. He walked over to them. “Can we, Mommy?”

“Of course you can, sweetie.” She reached out to touch the tip of his nose. “Just be careful, okay?”

He nodded and held out his hand to Aislinn. “Come on, Ais. Let’s go.”

They were both smiling as they followed Tyra out of the Courtyard and McKenna sighed as she leaned over to scoop Nicholas off the blanket. “It’s good to see them smile.”