Surviving the truth

7| keep those panties on

I had to listen the whole car ride to the hospital how Izzie wanted to decorate my house for Christmas. Christmas; probably one of the most hated holidays I ever not celebrated as a kid. My mom was always working at the hospital, so I had to celebrate it with my nanny, alone when I was old enough to not need a nanny, or as a teenager, just throw a party. When I had enough of Izzie's reasoning, I finally caved, and that would probably be the worst decision of my entire life right here because when I got home that night, Izzie had a tree up and Christmas decorations all over the house.

I'm going to to kill her.

"Grey, you're with Dr. Shepherd today." Dr. Bailey said.

"Which one?"

"Derek Shepherd."

Thank god.

I finished changing into my scrubs. They're tight and I probably need to get ones with elastic bands now. I found Derek in the lobby talking to the chief and I walked over to him.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm on your service today."

"Meredith, I hear some congratulations are in order." Dr. Webber said. I was confused. "Do you know what you're having yet?"

"Oh, a girl."

"I'm sure your mother is excited. How is she by the way? Still chief at Boston?"

"Yeah, um... she's great. She said she'll be in town when the baby's born. I'll tell her you said hello." I turned back to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd, is there anything you need me to do?"

"Uh, yes. I have a pregnant woman in room 322 who is experiencing seizures. I need you to take her up to get a head CT.

I put Derek's and my patient in a wheel chair when I was paged the CT was opened for us to use. I walked passed Cristina, and we somehow started to talk about the baby on our way up.

"Izzie just keeps giving me all these gag-worthy baby names." I rolled my eyes. "I have my own list; she doesn't like my list."

"It's not like she impregnated you. Hey, here's a bright idea. Maybe you should ask the man who impregnated you about your names. You're on talking terms right?"

"You know the other day he apologized to me for everything? Turns out he's not happy with Addison."

"I hear she's sleeping with McSteamy again."

"Wouldn't be surprised. Derek is suspicious."

"Would you consider getting back with him if he divorces her?" Cristina asked.

"Ask me that again after I have this baby and I'm not thinking with my vagina."

"I don't know what he did," My patient spoke up. "But I think you should let your baby daddy in. Your baby needs a dad."

"And who are you?" Cristina asked.

"I'm Jen."

"Well we don't care about your opinion, Jen." She said. "So stay out of our conversation."

I went home exhausted from my day. My feet were swollen from being on them all day and I was starving. I ordered a large pizza and then went upstairs to take a nice, warm bubble bath since it wasn't going to be here for twenty minutes.

I needed that bath.

Fifteen minutes later, I climbed out and put my red fuzzy robe and slippers on. It was perfect timing because I heard the doorbell ring, so I rushed down. I took a twenty out of my wallet as I opened the door. I looked up and saw it wasn't the pizza guy.

"Derek." I breathed. "What are- what are you doing here?"

"I came over here to tell you that... I wanted to say, but now all I can tell you is that...I love you. I'm in love with you, Meredith Grey."

My heart skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting this at all.

"You gave me a choice, and I chose wrong. I know I'm a little late to tell you this, but I want to be here for you and our daughter. You don't need to give me your answer now. Take all the time you need to think about it. I understand completely if you say no, but I hope you'll still consider letting me be a dad to our daughter because she needs me. Either way, I'm divorcing Addison. And um... I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight."

As Derek was turning around to walk away, I shouted, "Derek, wait!"

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Derek looked at me and I jumped into his arms and kissed him. Again, I'm letting my vagina speak for me because I'm a very horny pregnant lady who hasn't been able to satisfy her cravings for sex. We broke apart when the pizza delivery man showed up and cleared his voice. I was a little embarrass, and quickly handed him the twenty, and told him to keep the change.

I invited Derek inside. I don't know why I did. It's not like I'm going to let myself have sex with a married man, even if he is going to divorce his wife. I don't even know if I'm going to get back with him for a matter of fact after the shit he pulled on me.

Again, at the moment, I'm thinking more with my vagina than brain.

"What's in that box?" Derek pointed to the box that was against the wall in the living room.

"The crib. I think I need help assembling it. I took one look and..."

Derek chuckled. "Well lucky for you, I'm a good handyman."

"Are you... really divorcing her?"

"Meredith, yes." He murmured. "Addison and I are over, for good."

"You've said all this before."

"But this time I mean it."

I dropped my eyes. "You should go. Izzie and George will be home soon."

"Just know if you ever need me, I'm just a call away."

"When your divorce is final, maybe then I'll consider my options. But right now, I just don't see any of this happening. I trusted you and then you went and broke my trust when you didn't tell me about your wife, and then chooses her over me. I just recently was able to put myself back together and... I don't want you hurting my daughter like you hurt me."

"And I want you to know that was the biggest mistake I've ever done. You're pregnant and I didn't choose you; I should have chosen you no matter what. I loved- love you."

Stupid hormones have me almost crying but I managed to keep myself together, though I really feel like just mounting Derek right now and have sex with him. Keep your panties on Meredith.

Keep your panties on.